My oldest son’s 14th Birthday. Everybody older always tells you how quickly life goes by. It’s so cliche, but it’s so true. I found myself getting a bit nostalgic so stepped outside to write you all. When my oldest was born, we were quite settled in London and if you’d told me this PNW gal would be raising her boys in 72 and sunny LA, I never would have believed you.
I’m confident that John and I made the best choices we could, given what we knew at the moment, which have lead us to the life we’re leading now. I’m quite thankful for ALL that we’ve created and the people in our lives.
Certainly coming out of the pandemic, now more than ever I’ve found myself paying close attention to how I’m experiencing day to day, and sitting with the question…
“Is this as good as it gets?”
I was in a conversation this month with a potential new client, and when I asked how things were going, he said, “pretty good. I mean I can’t complain. I have a really good job and I’m healthy.”
I dug in a bit more and asked, “On a rating scale 10 being I’m incredibly fulfilled and 0 being not so much, what number would you say?”
He answered with…
“I’m a 7. It’s good for now.”
A 7?! My insides shrieked, because 7 in my mind is the danger zone. It’s another way of saying, things are good. Fine. Specifically, I make that response mean, “I should be thankful for what I have, even though things are OK, they’re but not amazing.”
I so get it. We are taught to be thankful for what we have, and to not desire more. Especially when there are people hurting more than us, and the political and economic landscape is as turbulent as it currently is right now.
I disagree. I believe now more than ever is an opportunity to evaluate the experience you’re having day to day, and ask yourself, “Is this as good as gets?”
This doesn’t have to mean you pull the ripcord and do a complete 180. It does mean that you carve out space to visit your values and measure how you’re living by them (if you don’t know your values, email me and I’ll send you my values guide to help you get clear).
It will also require you to believe that you are worthy of experiencing life a 10/10 regardless of the circumstances around you.
John and I have been doing this over the last couple of months, and recognized that within the value of connection, particularly within our family, we weren’t anywhere near a 10. We’d fallen prey to ‘life.
We’re changing things up for 2023, and I’ll be sharing more about that in the coming weeks.
For now, as you begin to go into December, really ask yourself, ‘Is this as good as it gets?” From there, pull out those values and do some evaluating.
And for those of you who might not be a mother yourself, I know for sure you know one – so please also read along and forward forward forward.
So Mother’s – My Dear sweet Mother’s – we’re a tricky group of people.
Because we’re 1st to say YES to everyone else….and we deplete ourselves. And when it comes time to put ourselves first, to actually nurture REAL growth in ourselves, we often
…DON’T DO IT.
Please listen up.
There’s nothing wrong with being of service, until you lean so far to the edge that you’re running on empty. You have a combination of a low energy, irritability, overwhelm and exhaustion. Zero space left to make any decisions, let alone implement them.
But underneath that …
There’s a women who had BIG dreams. But, now fully having stepped into Motherhood AND working AND generally keeping up with life, those dreams seem super out of touch? Forget trying to implement them at this point.
The question that I see that stumps driven Mama’s the most is this….
“What do you really want more of in your life, that you don’t currently have?”
I was one of those mothers for a long time – ask me what I wanted, and I could give you some general, neutral answer but felt zero connection to it (not because I was dead inside, I was just feeling an overall disconnect with myself, my partner, friends and colleagues at times).
Thank goodness for my coach at the time who quickly reflected back to me two things:
My ability to speak up and ask for support was non-existent (asking and then martyring about it didn’t count in her book).
My experience of disconnection had nothing to do with other people, and everything to do with my leadership and how I was choosing to relate to people and experiences in my life.
I wanted something different. For the sake over everyone around me, they too wanted something different for me.
I soooo get it.
Ultimately it’s up to US, to commit to investing in ourselves and get support.
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, I’m inviting you to ask to be appreciated in a way that will truly impact you and the ripple you create around you. Ask to be supported by joining The Mother Board.
This isn’t Mother’s sitting around talking about parenting. It’s Mothers declaring their desires, and doing the work to remove any obstacles in their leadership while being supported by other Mothers who want you to WIN.
It’s a gift that I wish I had received at any stage of motherhood as I go into my 14th year of mothering. We’ve all felt our identity get mumble jumbled when we become mothers, but this is an opportunity to create REAL, meaningful, impactful, change with a support network and professional coaching experience.
Doors are OPEN for The Mother Board beginning Sept 2022, and we have limited spots. Reply directly to this email and we’ll grab time to discuss what’s possible for you through the support of The Mother Board.
I’m directly speaking to all the mothers in our community, so if you’re reading this and you’re not a mother, pls gift someone the opportunity of being seen and share this with them.
I thank you, as will they!
As a Mother of a 13, nearly 11, and 9-year-old boys, I’m speaking on behalf of my experience and what I hear in everyday conversations with clients, friends, and family.
It’s no secret that mothers are being stretched in ways we never dreamed of.
There are some wonderful outlets out in the world that provide places to gather, share and collectively exhale, but often I notice that support helps give relief in the moment, but doesn’t necessarily translate to transformation.
There was a long stretch in my motherhood where I really couldn’t remember who I was.
Ask me what I did for fun? Couldn’t tell you.
Asked me how fulfilled I was? … meh. (Aside from loving my boys!)
Asked me how connected I felt to others? Comme Ci, Comme Ca.
Asked me if I felt truly supported beyond the point of colluding with someone?
Not so much.
Asked me what I was doing to change things up in my word? Not much. But I was really good at living in mediocrity (because on paper everything looked pretty fabulous).
Then came the movement of providing Mothers a ‘safe space’ to share, be heard and be seen thanks to social media. While I see the impact many of them have had on Mothers, for me they lacked intention beyond ‘sharing.’
I wanted more.
I wanted the kind of support that was going to truly shake things up, hold my feet to the fire, ruthlessly tell me what I couldn’t see, and ultimately inspire me to remember who I was. All in service to showing up more fully in my wonder.
So what does one do when they can’t find what they’re looking for?
*Spoiler alert* They create it themselves.
An intimate group coaching experience for women who all share the badge of “Mother” AND a desire to bring their most connected leadership self forward to experience MORE fulfillment and fun. This group of women serve as a personal Board of Directors to each other – the female transformational partners that I believe we mothers speak. No feeling of competition, comparison, or criticism. When one boat rises, we all rise.
One of the greatest gifts that I’ve seen come from my Mother Board groups is a newfound set of tools that empower women to create the world they want to be experiencing NOW, despite all the circumstances around them.
In just 24 hours, I’ll officially be a parent of a teen: Levi turns 13 tomorrow.
I’ve been reflecting so much as we come upon this milestone. All the obvious “where did the time go? How am I old enough to be a Mama of a teenager? Oh my goodness, I have 5 years left to refine this young man so he can fly….”
And, in full transparency, my relationship with my oldest is the one that challenges me the most.
Here’s the truth: what got me here as a parent, is NOT going to get me through the next 13 years.
He’s become incredibly independent. He doesn’t want my help.
He’s all about being with John, his Dad. He doesn’t want me to hang with him.
One moment he’s smiling, being silly, the next minute he’s moody and answers in one word quips: “Yes. Fine. Ok.” My old ways of poking fun or giving him a big hug to snap him out of a funk are so circa 2010.
I’ve found myself stumbling the last couple of months as I navigate the new waters because I’m craving a deeper connection with him.
Parenting is a little bit like when I had ACL surgery. Everybody has advice, and while I know people mean well, it’s not a one size fits all solution.
But for me, I know that if I want different results, I have to show up differently. How I have parented for the last 13 years isn’t (completely) how I need to parent for this next phase.
I’m finding my teen requires more acceptance and compassion from me.
AND The more that I can do that in my relationship with myself, the more I’m able to accept and have compassion for him.
So I ask you to consider…
What is your teen craving from you? & Can you also be more of that quality with yourself?
I have a hunch that whatever quality your teen is seeking (patience, compassion, trust, joy, etc.) that way of being is a muscle that you need to also stretch towards yourself.
It probably isn’t the way you’re used to relating to them, and yet remember what I said earlier? What got you here, isn’t what will get you…there.