For all my peeps out there whose #1 value is connection, read this carefully as you might be falling into the trap that I notice a lot of my community, clients and friends are.
Now more than ever as we emerge from 2 years working at home, little to know travel and/or interactions with others, we’re all craving connection. So much so, that we often choose a connection over saying what we really need to say.
I was working with a company’s president this week and we were discussing a conversation that he was planning on having with one of his C-Suite Execs that was the kind of conversation that if it didn’t happen, they’d have a major issue with retention in the near future.
I noticed every time we started to talk about the intention behind the conversation, how we was going to show up and what he was going to say, he would start to squirm and get distracted with other priorities. It was obvious he didn’t want to have this conversation and just the thought of if was bringing up a ton of discomfort.
This president values integrity as much as connection, but when it came to the possible thought of having a conversation that could trigger a colleague and cause a possible argument, he was paralyzed by fear. So relatable right?!
We live in a world that’s constantly telling us to ‘Be authentic. Speak up. Tell your truth.’ Yet, even when the stakes are high in the boardroom, or at home with our partners or our children, how many times do we (YOU) choose connection over authenticity, thinking they’re mutually exclusive?
Let’s be real.
There is a massive impact on each one of us when we choose comfort and connection over speaking up.
Where, in your life, are you avoiding sharing your most authentic self, because you’re prioritizing connection even though it’s at the cost of you really sharing yourself?
Think about it.
I bet you don’t have to look too far.
We’re human and we have a bias for comfort – but the last thing we need in this world is people avoiding speaking up and dancing around the truth.
Will you be courageous today and share your authentic self over connection in the moment?
Guess what… More times than not, the more authentic you are, the greater sense of true connection you end up creating in the long run.
We’re on the brink of the holiday season and I’m slipping into old patterns.
We waited until this week to sort out Halloween costumes, and Amazon was not an option (gone are the days of excitement and appreciation for my handmade Halloween costumes). Sure enough, we were driving from one Halloween store to another trying to track down a very specific costume.
I could feel the tiredness and irritability setting in. As I was sitting in peak LA traffic with one of my boys and literally asking myself, “What are we doing? Did I learn anything from COVID?” The impact of my choice to drive around looking for one specific costume felt chaotic and wasn’t in alignment with the feeling of grace and ease I desire.
Does anyone else relate to leaving something to the last minutes only to create a chaotic, frustrating experience for yourself?
But I caught it – I noticed that I was leading from that place of chaos and frustration and I checked it.
If anything, COVID taught me to roll with things – to stay open – to lead from a place of flexibility and to model that for those around me.
That’s how leadership works. It’s a choice. It requires us to be an active participant. Even if you’re facing extreme circumstances, it still comes down to you choosing leadership from moment to moment. And yes, it can feel very uncomfortable.
I have a hunch that the holidays are going to test us this year. Most of us are still climbing out of a dark hole adjusting to socializing again. Sorting out the dance between supporting our own needs while also delivering on all of our commitments.
As we approach the holiday season, what quality will you choose to lead from in service to having the experience you desire?
I’m choosing openness, with the intention of not being attached to an outcome because I know that’s how pinch-me-moments happen. Bring on the ease and grace, please!
Today’s leadership kick: Where do you argue for your limitations/life circumstances instead of choosing possibility?
I just returned from 4 days in the majestic National Zion Park, where I hosted the retreat for The Board. These women have spent 9 months consistently choosing to show up for each other and themselves. Through two hour group coaching calls they grew their leadership and experience into the most authentic and powerful version of themselves. These women, like you, live very active lives. CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Mothers, and had every good reason to cancel up until the last minute…BUT they didn’t.
They chose to come.
They chose to lead from curiosity.
They chose to BE uncomfortable.
Where most people want something different but continue to cling to cruise control, these women chose otherwise.
A lot of people talk about wanting to grow their leadership by reading a self-help book or listening to a podcast, but then get distracted with life and rarely anything changes
Not my people.
These women experienced their edge when it came to their own leadership last weekend. I was reminded that there is no replacement for experiencing coaching in the great outdoors. There’s a depth in the connection that gets created and that lends itself, so beautifully, to people dropping their armor and opening their hearts to being a stand for one another.
At one point, one of the women said how much she loved the hike, but hated having to look down all the time to avoid tripping on the rocks. Hours later realizing that was a telling metaphor for how she shows up in life –
if she’s constantly focused on what’s WAY out in front of her, it can lead to future tripping ⇢ which can stir up anxiety and in-action.
Realizing there are times where it’s necessary to focus on what’s right in front of her if she wants to take action and make changes.
Another Board member noticed she often chose to be in the back of the hikes, and when she would move to the front of the group, she felt wildly uncomfortable! She made it mean, in her head, that somehow she wasn’t as strong of a leader as the other women because she wasn’t in the front. Only to realize that leadership doesn’t look one way – and for her, hanging back and bringing up the rear allowed her to lead authentically.
If it weren’t for these women sitting in their discomfort and expanding their ability to sit in it, they wouldn’t have experienced these insights.
Subtle yes. Transformative, you better believe it.
You can read a version of this kind of growth somewhere, but when you experience it, embody it, that’s when you physically begin to show up differently in situations and lead from a more conscious place.
I have so much more to share, but for now, consider, “Who do you want to BE?”
How will you choose to BE in order to show up in leadership in ALL areas of your life?
If you’re one of my people and believe revolutionary growth happens inside revolutionary relationships, DM me to learn more about The Board 2022. We start in Feb. and the first spot has already been claimed! And…I’ll be announcing something very special about The Board for 2022 this week that has ME leaning into my edge.
Will you choose YOU this coming year?
Never underestimate possible.
Today’s leadership kick: It’s hard to show up in leadership if you’re full of judgment.
I had a doozy of a day last week. I was in a coaching session with a client who generously provided some feedback and my ego had a heyday. Before I knew it I had a pit in my stomach, I started to sweat, and my speaking sped up. I started talking too much, which is always a sign that I’m working way too hard trying to prove something. I’d lost my way, clearly, and it felt crappy in the moment and even crappier when I got off the call.
Fortunately for me, I had my weekly call with two coaches I work with directly after. By this point, I was in a giant shame spiral and wishing I’d handled it differently.
One of the coaches gracefully reminded me about a concept from one of my favorite leadership books, ‘Getting Real’: the idea that I can go out and come back in.
As soon as she said it, my little voice went: ‘my clients, friends, and children get do-overs, but I certainly don’t.
Then it hit me. Why the heck not?!
I realized I have a pattern. When I don’t get something right, I beat myself up about it, leaking energy all over the place, which in turn keeps me from “going back in” and giving myself a do-over. And because I had little-to-no self-forgiveness for how I’d shown up, I had zero capacity to see what was possible by going back to the client and cleaning it up.
” It’s hard to show up in leadership if who you’re BEING in the moment is full of judgment.”
So I got to work on the self-forgiveness bit – I’ll share practical pro tips on that in the coming weeks. I found compassion for ‘not getting it right the first time.’ Then I was empowered to go back to my client and have the conversation again but from a place of responsibility and accountability.
It was another reminder that we have leadership moments all day long. The more we choose to BE in leadership, to cause leadership vs. be at the effect of it, the more we’re able to experience possibility and compassion for ourselves.
Today’s leadership kick: Decision-making flows more easily when we’re integral to ourselves.
I’m really noticing how many people are ‘coping’ with the world right now. Hanging on by a thread, grinding it out, rinse and repeat, left with the impact of feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and isolated.
When I put it that way doesn’t it sound miserable?
Not to be a complete Debbie Downer, but on top of that, I’m experiencing folks not want to admit how they’re really feeling, as if there’s this implied unspoken thing in the air that because we’re not in full-lockdown, we should be grateful.
From what I’ve seen through my clients, friends, neighbors to strangers in the grocery store, it’s truly impacting people’s ability to feel connected to themselves and to others.
People’s ability to lead has faced so much resistance over the last 18 months of the pandemic, that they’re settling for ‘coping’ as their daily strategy to get by.
As soon as we start to settle for mediocracy or “just enough” as our leadership style, it begins to impact our relationship to decision-making and our ability to hear feedback from those around us. Thurs creating massive energy leaks all of the place and leaving us to feel even more disconnected.
This is why I’m running my Circuit Board program again, starting Oct. 7th.
I strongly believe that focusing on our leadership, in all aspects of our lives reflects in how we’re showing up in key moments. Despite whatever circumstances we’re facing, is actually one of our very best tools to best manage stress and our well-being.
This program is extremely intentional and designed for the driven, over-extended person. It’s 6 consecutive weeks, 75-minute group coaching sessions on zoom. Yes, Zoom. Trust me, I have a knack for coaching groups over zoom and creating a container that fosters a safe place to share, be coached and experience transformation.
If your goal is to feel more connected, to lead from a place of confidence, calm and grounded then you’ll LOVE this program.
We’re focusing on three key themes:
Leadership is more than just doing. It starts with how we show up. Our way of being dictates how we do things. Both our way of being and our doing, play a role in our well-being. You follow?
Collectively, we’re use to the ‘doing’ part of leading, but it’s really who you’re being underneath all that doing, that I find needs the tweaking.
Decision-making flows more easily when we’re integral to ourselves.
If you’re someone who lives in a right, wrong context or is a waffler, then you’re leaking energy all over the place. No wonder you’re exhausted! It’s time to cut those leaks.
Love is at the heart of leadership. In order to lead from an open heart, we must unearth our personal relationship to feedback. This directly impacts our ability to connect. I find everyone, and I do mean everyone, struggles with receiving feedback. Some more than others… But if you’re one of my people who really gets triggered, oh man, you’re leaking energy all of the place, which is a big contributor to feeling disconnected.
I want to support people in reigniting their ability to lead. Specifically in their relationship to decision making and feedback, so they can feel connected. It’s from that place that we feel energized, creative and like ourselves.
I want to help as many of you as I can; which is why I’ve made this a 6-week program and priced it at 1K. My shortest program and my most affordable.
If you’re committed to leading from a place of connection, you belong in this program. If you’re managing teams, this is a fantastic program for them.