When’s the last time you answered the question, “How’s it going?” with the real stuff, and not just, “I’m good, but busy and tired.”?
When was the last time you sat at another human’s dining room table and talked about your relationships, your work, your health, your worries, politics or your faith and really felt like you were the only one that mattered in that moment?
When’s the last time you totally let your guard down and asked for help?
When’s the last time you said NO and didn’t worry about others liking you less?
When’s the last time you felt like quitting, and someone said to you… ‘oh no you don’t.’ This is who you are and you owe it to yourself to go for it?
Over the last 6 months I found myself craving a deeper sense of community, particularly around my desire to live a more soul-filling life, which means really being choosy in how I spend my energy. Still ambitious, but a more simplified, intentional version of life. I was craving spaciousness and connection that was not only deeper but had a wider range.
What I’ve realized is that we’re sold community, as if the minute you join a group you’re going to instantly feel like you’ve made best friends; you know friends who totally get you and see you.
This isn’t really the case!
Finding a community of your people is a combination of laser-sharp facilitating and showing up fully in SELF.
Even then, I find the getting-to-know-each-other phase can be a bit slow, especially if you haven’t met in person. Real community can be awkward, boring, average and, dare I say ‘just fine.’
I’ve just come off a weekend spending time in person with a community I recently joined. Thank you Allison Crow for creating Cultivate; a group of female business owners, all craving a more soul-filling biz and life. Our group connection started with meetings over zoom and at times it felt nice, sometimes awkward, average and dare I say ‘fine.’ What I realized after spending time together in person this past weekend, is that if we want to experience the kind of community where we feel completely understood and seen, we have to fully show up.
I don’t mean fake it until you make it, I mean here are my dreams, biggest fears, things that keep me up at night, shame stories and everything in-between.
What I’ve experienced time and time again is that when I show up with all my parts, all my stories and give people my full presence, real community is created and this is what is life changing.
Each time I’ve elevated to the next level in my marriage, motherhood, or my business, it’s because of one belief I swear by. Revolutionary growth happens inside revolutionary relationships!
I can’t imagine not having a group to lean into who has my back, believes in me 100%, accepts me exactly as I am encouraging me to choose discomfort over resentment, and reminds me who I am when I forget.
Connection is the gift at the heart of community. It’s not just about depth, it’s about range.
So… how’s your relationship to communities?
I know for me the more I let go of the dream of experiencing an ‘ideal’ community and I embrace the messy, real community, which means I show up from my truest self, I experience belonging. Boom. That’s when transformation happens. When one human transforms in a group, you better believe there’s a ripple.
If this kind of community resonates with you, email me. I have something to discuss with you.
We live in a world of information overload – right? – and it’s easy to get sucked into thinking that the more we know, the more we’ll become better leaders. As if by simply reading or listening to ‘the best 5 tools’ will translate to new behavior.
Information doesn’t equal transformation. Just because you might have a new tool in your kit, by no means will it extinguish you humanness. Your humanness can show up in the form of your Achilles Heel.
SO WHAT TO DO
If you really want to up your game in how you show up and lead, start by getting clear on what your Achilles Heel is. And rather than trying to banish that part of you, build a relationship with it. I’m learning loads about the IFS model, and really subscribe to the idea that all of our parts are welcome (e.g. the anxiousness, the judgment etc) and we learn to build relationships with these parts, we experience so much more confidence and self-trust.
“Build a relationship with your Achilles Heel”
Here are some of the most common ways I see my people getting in their own way of leading. In other words, their Achilles Heel:
Choosing comfort over discomfort
Trying to get it right, which creates analysis paralysis
Too many priorities
Working on what’s urgent instead of what’s important
Not asking for help
Once you’ve identified it, have a conversation with that part of you and find out what it needs you to know. Now, this can be a 2-minute conversation.
It looks something like this…
*My Achilles Heel is trying to get it right, so I might say to my ‘trying to get it right part’….
SG: “Trying to Get it Right – I see you. What do you want me to know?”
Trying to Get it Right: “I’m worried that if you get it wrong, you’ll feel stupid.”
SG: “I see you wanting to protect me. Thank you for that, AND, just because I might not get something right, doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I can always course correct. I’m committed to putting myself out there instead of playing it safe. I’m going to need you to step to the side while I be brave.”
Each time I talk TO the part that’s feeling triggered and trying to get my attention, I feel myself re-centered and ready to rock.
These parts of us that get in the way of us showing up and being who we’re meant to be, don’t have to derail us. They can actually help us.
If you try this exercise on, let me know how it goes. This is something you can do on the fly and be a quick exercise, but hugely profound. We owe it to ourselves first and foremost to show up as the brightest and fullest version of ourselves.
I have a bee in my bonnet about all the talk I hear in the self-help world as it relates to wanting and manifesting desires, because it’s simply not enough to ‘want.’
I think back to when I was desiring a career that invigorated me, while making a positive impact on humanity and still paid me good $$. The years were passing by and I felt stagnant and underwhelmed.
It simply wasn’t enough for me too ‘want to do something different.’ I had desires, but I wasn’t doing anything about it.
Even with the most colorful & inspiring vision board in my office, *nothing* and I mean *nothing* was happening.
It wasn’t until an Executive coach I was working with at the time suggested I consider checking out a grad school program for Spiritual Psychology and I consciously chose to go the open house.
It was the act of *choosing* that changed my life forever.
After attending the open house, I chose to have a convo w/ John about applying for the two year program.
From there, I chose to apply and got accepted.
If someone had told me 10 years later I’d be running a massive 6 figure coaching business spending time with people who inspire me, I’m not sure I would have believed them. I didn’t have a detailed business plan, but I did have the inner knowledge to keep choosing what I wanted.
– Choosing vs. Wanting. There’s no competition. –
If you’re wanting something to be different in your life, it begins with your leadership and choosing is one way you can harness your power.
I’ll be diving more into choosing vs wanting at TIDAL.
In case you missed the announcement last week, I’ll be hosting my TIDAL workshop on Sept. 17th from 9am PT- Noon PT and the theme this year is “Learn how to Harness Your Leadership Power.”
You’ll walk away with a refined relationship to the term ‘leadership’ and clear next steps (Hint: it’s not as corporate and boring as you might think, it’s about your POWER in every moment).
I believe in connection and community as key ingredients to stepping more fully into your life, so everything about Tidal is designed in such a way that you experience self-connection and belonging.
Now more than ever I see ALL of us craving connection.
Grab your ticket HERE. For all my introverts, don’t worry. I got you. You’ll be held in the brave container we co-create together.