For all my peeps out there whose #1 value is connection, read this carefully as you might be falling into the trap that I notice a lot of my community, clients and friends are.
Now more than ever as we emerge from 2 years working at home, little to know travel and/or interactions with others, we’re all craving connection. So much so, that we often choose a connection over saying what we really need to say.
I was working with a company’s president this week and we were discussing a conversation that he was planning on having with one of his C-Suite Execs that was the kind of conversation that if it didn’t happen, they’d have a major issue with retention in the near future.
I noticed every time we started to talk about the intention behind the conversation, how we was going to show up and what he was going to say, he would start to squirm and get distracted with other priorities. It was obvious he didn’t want to have this conversation and just the thought of if was bringing up a ton of discomfort.
This president values integrity as much as connection, but when it came to the possible thought of having a conversation that could trigger a colleague and cause a possible argument, he was paralyzed by fear. So relatable right?!
We live in a world that’s constantly telling us to ‘Be authentic. Speak up. Tell your truth.’ Yet, even when the stakes are high in the boardroom, or at home with our partners or our children, how many times do we (YOU) choose connection over authenticity, thinking they’re mutually exclusive?
Let’s be real.
There is a massive impact on each one of us when we choose comfort and connection over speaking up.
Where, in your life, are you avoiding sharing your most authentic self, because you’re prioritizing connection even though it’s at the cost of you really sharing yourself?
Think about it.
I bet you don’t have to look too far.
We’re human and we have a bias for comfort – but the last thing we need in this world is people avoiding speaking up and dancing around the truth.
Will you be courageous today and share your authentic self over connection in the moment?
Guess what… More times than not, the more authentic you are, the greater sense of true connection you end up creating in the long run.
Today’s leadership kick: Quit Defending Your Limitations
After two weeks on the road with 4 boys, I was pretty damn excited to send them off to farm camp. I didn’t anticipate on Day 3 my middle son burying his head in his pillow when it was time to depart, because he felt so alone at camp. Heartbreaking! And I knew immediately this wasn’t going to be a quick fix – he wasn’t feeling good.
Similarly, hours later the exact same day, I was coaching one of my CEO’s (who might appear to have it all together on the outside) and she was sharing how blue and lonely she felt.
I wasn’t surprised to hear my CEO was feeling lonely. It’s been said many times that leadership, the top can feel very isolating. I also wasn’t overly surprised to hear my 9 year old share his feelings of loneliness, because I very much remember feeling alone at times during my childhood.
What really got me, was how BOTH of these incredible humans were convinced of their LONELINESS
I wanted to help my son move his energy – so we went for a walk. For a good part of it he went on and on about how he doesn’t have any friends there, and how his brothers weren’t playing with him. Regardless of what I said, he was still convinced there was no room for him to have a different experience. So what was the point in going?
For my client, God bless her, but she must have said the same thing 10 different ways. It simply wasn’t possible for her to feel
close to people at work because of her role. No matter what I said.
We can talk all day and analyze why we humans do this OR we can show up differently and therefore create completely different results. Like feeling connected.
In both situations, I asked them a version of “How’s it working for you, spending all this time and energy convincing yourself that you’re miserable and lonely?”
That woke them up!They both recognized that until they chose to lead from openness and possibility, their experience wasn’t going to change.
SO IN YOUR LEADERSHIP THIS WEEK….
Can you catch if you’re defending your limitations? If so, can you look for what’s possible instead?
If you can have a breakthrough in how you’re being, you can have a different experience.