Something has happened in the last few years (ok… a lot has happened) but *in* this moment, I’m really noticing how we make *everything* have so much significance.
I notice it everywhere.
I notice it with business owners, who get stuck taking action because they’re so fixated on knowing their purpose.
I notice it with people in various seasons of life.
The 50 somethings who crave a different kind of purpose in their life then they’ve had, but are concerned about agism. Not saying that they don’t have evidence as to why they should be, but I’ve noticed how much it contributes to their worry.
I notice it with the upcoming driven 20+ somethings who feel they MUST know their purpose in the first quarter of the life.
So much significance placed on every bloody exchange, that it can become a real time suck and energy drain.
So much pressure!
I notice I do it with my husband when he writes to me and doesn’t reference me by the nickname he calls me. Before I know it, I place so much significance on the exchange, that it causes me to question myself, question him, our relationship.
My intention for pointing to this, isn’t to have a conversation as to why us humans make so much significance out of things, because I think we know why (hello technology that has us connected 24/7, hello expectations and ambition that can cause us to obsess over details).
Instead, my goal is to help you see where you create unnecessary significance in your life, and by doing so, it’s that *leadership* that’s actually getting in the way of you having a better life.
Consider what happens to you when you give something a lot of significance? Do you start to over-analyze? Do you get stuck in the paradox of choice and not make any movement? Do you become overly prickly and barky with your partner?
When I start to give something a lot of significance I notice I have soooooo much expectation, so much desire to get it all right, and ultimately not a lot of trust.
My leadership in those moments are very much rooted in doubt.
One of the breakthroughs I’ve been actively creating this year in my leadership is instead of holding everything with so much significance, holding things with more grace and ultimately being grace. Which to me means a few things:
+ Assuming the other person has positive intent.
+ Being okay with murkiness and sometimes that means only knowing the very next baby step I’m taking, but not the one after it.
+ Letting myself change my mind and being okay with others changing their mind.
Question for you…
In service to your leadership, what in your life are you making significant, and if you were to hold it slightly differently, how would your life improve for the better?
The #1 desire I hear my clients want day in and day out is more inner peace. A sense of calm. A sense of spaciousness. As I deepen in my leadership and practice not making every dang thing so significant, I notice a much greater sense of calm. If this speaks to you, give it a go and let me know you get on with it.
For all my peeps out there whose #1 value is connection, read this carefully as you might be falling into the trap that I notice a lot of my community, clients and friends are.
Now more than ever as we emerge from 2 years working at home, little to know travel and/or interactions with others, we’re all craving connection. So much so, that we often choose a connection over saying what we really need to say.
I was working with a company’s president this week and we were discussing a conversation that he was planning on having with one of his C-Suite Execs that was the kind of conversation that if it didn’t happen, they’d have a major issue with retention in the near future.
I noticed every time we started to talk about the intention behind the conversation, how we was going to show up and what he was going to say, he would start to squirm and get distracted with other priorities. It was obvious he didn’t want to have this conversation and just the thought of if was bringing up a ton of discomfort.
This president values integrity as much as connection, but when it came to the possible thought of having a conversation that could trigger a colleague and cause a possible argument, he was paralyzed by fear. So relatable right?!
We live in a world that’s constantly telling us to ‘Be authentic. Speak up. Tell your truth.’ Yet, even when the stakes are high in the boardroom, or at home with our partners or our children, how many times do we (YOU) choose connection over authenticity, thinking they’re mutually exclusive?
Let’s be real.
There is a massive impact on each one of us when we choose comfort and connection over speaking up.
Where, in your life, are you avoiding sharing your most authentic self, because you’re prioritizing connection even though it’s at the cost of you really sharing yourself?
Think about it.
I bet you don’t have to look too far.
We’re human and we have a bias for comfort – but the last thing we need in this world is people avoiding speaking up and dancing around the truth.
Will you be courageous today and share your authentic self over connection in the moment?
Guess what… More times than not, the more authentic you are, the greater sense of true connection you end up creating in the long run.
For all my people who live by checklists, and go through the day trying to ‘get it all done in EVERY area of your life, this is for you.
From one driven leader to another, going about your day that way can feel really dang good in the moment, *but* it can leave you feeling burned out and even worse – UNINSPIRED.
When I feel uninspired, nothing works – I’m disconnected from my work, my family, and myself. Ugg.
So what can you do?!!?
Last week I spent the week at Camp Cultivate, which is an annual retreat that takes place in Dripping Springs Texas and is the brainchild of my amazing friend and life coach Allison Crow.
When we walked into the gorgeous room where we were going to be for the 4 days, she had a set of paints on every woman’s seat (50) and colored pens.
Throughout the whole week, I found myself picking up the paints to draw metaphors for what I wanted to remember. Each day went on, I found myself settling more into my body and less in my head. New ideas were coming to me and I started to experience even more ease around my business and what’s next for the back half of 2022.
I know you might be thinking there’s nothing new about this idea of using color markers and paints, but here’s what I know about myself and my community! We often don’t, because we’re so busy, the idea of anything that could slow down productivity gets an eye roll.
If you want to experience more of your creative brilliance, I’m telling you, get your paints and pens out and carry them everywhere.
Do NOT underestimate what happens when the little child in you gets to draw.
To BE inspired and commit to leading from your heart, THIS is one brilliant way that will crack it open.
So this week I’ll ask…
If you were feeling more inspired today, what would you put your energy toward that would have you feeling more alive than ever?
Commit to taming your busy and reignite your creativity,
Where do you start when you desire something that is outside of your comfort zone and therefore stirs up all kinds of resistance?
Glad you asked. You start with a VISION.
If you missed last week’s post, take a beat and read HERE for an intentional and simple take on writing a vision (that I guarantee will set you up for success).
For those of you who have your vision around something you desire, this is where manifestation enters the picture. First, I must set the record straight. Praying and reading your vision every day is NOT going to deliver the results you might read on social media.
Connecting with your vision daily is key, you must put structure around your vision, so that you align intentional action with your intention. Think about it. This is why most New Year’s Resolutions fail. My friend Jen decides she wants to lose 15 pounds so she can feel lighter and run a half marathon later in the year. Jen claims she’s going to go to workout 3x a week and eat healthier. While that might sound like structure, it’s lacking a few important pieces that will support her on the days that she feels like skipping her workout and eating ice cream.
If you really want to actualize your vision, here’s the tried and true structure I use that turns my goals into a project, making it much more attainable:
1) WHY is this desire/ goal important to you?
2) How do you want to feel as you experience the creation of this desire? Note: We often ignore this as we’re so attached to the result, but the process can be equally as fulfilling as the result
3) A clear vision (which you’ve likely already done)
4) Declarations timeline.
In other words a what by when. This is often where people get tripped up, because they don’t declare what they’re going to do by when and so very little movement happens.
5) Rewards tied to your Declarations – Do NOT skip this step.
Just like children, we to follow through when rewarded along the way. What will you gift yourself when you complete each declaration? (This is your project plan so you get to decide)
You can complicate this all you want, but I find the above structure has served me in creating a very lucrative business w/ the type of clients that truly inspire me, a house that I love calling home, a marriage I’m proud of and so much more.
What small action will you take by this Friday to continue to actualize your biggest desire?
So thinking more about this week and where you could shift some of your focus… Your Vision
I kind of shocked myself mid-week when I was looking at an old vision exercise I had done for myself, and realized when it came to visualizing a future home I wanted for my family and I…we now have it. we literally have what I put in a vision I wrote, and I didn’t even realize it
In the middle of the Pandemic, against many odds, we bought a house.
But we didn’t buy just any house, we bought a house that truly aligned with our vision.
This word gets tossed around a lot, but it’s something I put a lot of energy into with my own desires and my clients. The purpose of a vision, as I see it, is to get clear on what it is you want and how you want to experience it.
The mistake I see a lot of people make is they have ideas in their head around what they want, but they don’t take the time to write them down and create a clear vision.
So… The #1 Most Important Thing to do That Everyone Skips Over: Write a Clear Vision DOWN.
It’s the 1st thing you have to do to get closer to actualizing your desires. It’s something I do at the start of each year, and at the beginning of each new desire I have because it lays the foundation for the road map needed to actualize the particular desire.
Here’s a sneak behind the curtain on what my 2021 vision was about our new home…
“We’re living in a house that is NW Modern – or spanish style – it has a yard w/ a pool or on lake. A hot tub. Upstairs. A big kitchen we can cook in. A counter where boys are sitting and we collect in late evenings or early mornings. A garden w/ veggies. Tall, natural trees around. An open door policy. A place to read that’s cozy. A big fireplace. Big open, tall windows. Clean feeling, not cluttered. Art that we’ve collected over the years. Walking distance to a high street. Surrounded by beauty- bricks, old town…. Interesting people. I see myself in this house w/ music playing through it, it feels airy, light and spacious but isn’t massive. It feels lived in and cozy.”
The house we bought is spot on and you should know we didn’t have an agent nor were we actively looking. On a walk we noticed this house for sale and couldn’t believe how much it aligned with my vision. The whole experience was rooted in ease, which is something I’ve been wanting to experience more of the last couple of years. Side note- be as specific as possible. I mentioned I wanted *brick* and boy did we get a lot of brick (including two showers made out of brick).
So for your Coaching Call-Out, this week can you…. Consider what it is you really want AND do you have a vision for it?
If not, write it down on paper in the present tense and let yourself really go there. Do not limit yourself. Remember, the universe likes specificity so don’t be afraid to put it down even if it feels crazy or not possible!
P.S. This is a two-part series. Next week, I’ll share what’s next once you have your clear vision. We have to work in reality – it’s not as simple as just write a vision and then hope and pray for it.
Use this week to give yourself permission to own your desires and put them on paper.
Because next week, we’ll be diving into part two- actualizing your vision,
I was on the phone with my coach last week and came in quite hot around a situation that had me feeling misunderstood. I could feel the fire in my belly. As a result, I was showing up quite impatient and preoccupied – which is such a crappy feeling.
Can you relate?
As I worked through this and took a look at my part in the situation, I had a real aha moment and wanted to share it with you because I have a hunch it will serve you.
When something begins to feel messy, I want it resolved immediately. I apply a sense of urgency. I see it in numerous areas of my life.
Dirty Dishes in the sink? Not in my house, but I’ll martyr if I’m the one always doing them.
Disagreement with John? I want a resolution. Stat.
Boys bickering? I’m reliable to tell them to stop immediately.
The impact this has on me (thank you to my coach for reflecting this back to me) is… I operate over the top of things in an attempt to button things up. Close the loop. Which leaves me feeling resentful because I haven’t taken time to be with my thoughts when it comes to a disagreement, or ask for help when it comes to a household chore.
I realized I’m quite uncomfortable giving myself time and space to be with my thoughts and feelings. But there’s so much gold in doing so.
It’s a muscle I’m working on strengthening, and a super important one because the more we can give ourselves abundance of time and space, the more we’re able to see our part in things.
The more we can see our part, the more we can discern what’s true vs. assumed.
From that place, it’s a lot easier to lead from love even if we don’t agree with the situation.
If you’re one of my people, I’m asserting the impact you want to have in the world is one from a place of love and possibility
I ran competitively most of my childhood and one of the things I learned very quickly (in a 300M hurdle race) was when people were in eyesight of the finish line they would exhale, literally. Following the exhale they would go into cruise control. They wouldn’t necessarily back off, but they’d cruise.
That was my cue to give it everything I got, pump my arms, lengthen my stride, and lock eyes 100 yards past the finish line.
When I look at how I finish my year, business or personal, it’s no different.
The goal is to experience JOY in the midst of finishing strong.
For my super-driven people who naturally finish the year strong, pay close attention to the experience you’re having.
I bet you’re reliable to create results, but where I see an opportunity for you, is to focus on the experience while you’re taking action.
When I finished a race, I would be in my zone. I didn’t actually feel like I was “working harder” but I was committed. Because of that commitment, I felt God partnering with me (insert what you believe) and because of that, (humbly) I generally won.
We have 4 weeks left in the year, and if you’re committed to having a heart-blowing 2022, then how will you choose to BE and what action will you take to finish the year strong? (Hint: who you BE has everything to do with who you are)
For anyone who wants additional support, pls email me and I’ll share you with a special ‘End of The Year’ process I’ve been doing with my clients for years that has helped them actualize desires that they never thought was possible.
If you’re too busy to say yes to something you really want, are you willing to lead from a different quality in order to create it?
Almost all of my clients, and myself included, have a bias for action. We like to plow through things and get it done. That also tends to mean that are schedules are packed. Sound familiar?
Part 2 to that, those packed, productive days can also mean that when opportunities we really really want come up (professional, creative, personal, fun) we don’t know what to do.
We freeze, and often turn them down completely. Also sound familiar?
Case in Point: I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and one of my clients spontaneously invited me to the 3% Conference in Atlanta in two weeks.
I didn’t tell her this, but I’m telling you. My initial thought…. “Is she crazy? That would mean rescheduling nearly 15 client meetings across three days. And the boys… what about the boys, the homework, the cooking, and and and…”
…. Clearly, that came from fear.
Then I thought….” is she being serious?”
All the while I could feel a burst of positive energy and excitement course through my body.
Experience and impact are two values I live by, and the 3% Conference is something I’ve wanted to participate in for years. In a nutshell it’s a very established movement in the creative world that believes (as do I) that more women & more diversity = MORE creativity + more profitability.
Without speaking to my team, my husband, my kids, I blurted, “HELL YES.”
I let go of how I would make it all work and I chose to lead from trust.I get it, I really do. Leadership happens in the moment. Busy bees like us can get such tunnel vision and addicted to the high of planning and completing things, that we deny ourselves the joy of living in the moment.
But there’s another way to lead.
So this week in your leadership…
Can you identify what you’re craving, and then identify what QUALITY you need to lead from to experience that desire.
I chose trust. My team, my family, my own ability. To communicate changes and decide what things can be pushed back or let go. And I know you can choose a different quality to lead from too.
Stay tuned as I share my key takeaways and leadership growth from the 3% Conference this week (follow me on socials if you don’t already)!
I’m so glad we’re in this together learning and growing,
We’re on the brink of the holiday season and I’m slipping into old patterns.
We waited until this week to sort out Halloween costumes, and Amazon was not an option (gone are the days of excitement and appreciation for my handmade Halloween costumes). Sure enough, we were driving from one Halloween store to another trying to track down a very specific costume.
I could feel the tiredness and irritability setting in. As I was sitting in peak LA traffic with one of my boys and literally asking myself, “What are we doing? Did I learn anything from COVID?” The impact of my choice to drive around looking for one specific costume felt chaotic and wasn’t in alignment with the feeling of grace and ease I desire.
Does anyone else relate to leaving something to the last minutes only to create a chaotic, frustrating experience for yourself?
But I caught it – I noticed that I was leading from that place of chaos and frustration and I checked it.
If anything, COVID taught me to roll with things – to stay open – to lead from a place of flexibility and to model that for those around me.
That’s how leadership works. It’s a choice. It requires us to be an active participant. Even if you’re facing extreme circumstances, it still comes down to you choosing leadership from moment to moment. And yes, it can feel very uncomfortable.
I have a hunch that the holidays are going to test us this year. Most of us are still climbing out of a dark hole adjusting to socializing again. Sorting out the dance between supporting our own needs while also delivering on all of our commitments.
As we approach the holiday season, what quality will you choose to lead from in service to having the experience you desire?
I’m choosing openness, with the intention of not being attached to an outcome because I know that’s how pinch-me-moments happen. Bring on the ease and grace, please!
Today’s leadership kick: Where do you argue for your limitations/life circumstances instead of choosing possibility?
I just returned from 4 days in the majestic National Zion Park, where I hosted the retreat for The Board. These women have spent 9 months consistently choosing to show up for each other and themselves. Through two hour group coaching calls they grew their leadership and experience into the most authentic and powerful version of themselves. These women, like you, live very active lives. CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Mothers, and had every good reason to cancel up until the last minute…BUT they didn’t.
They chose to come.
They chose to lead from curiosity.
They chose to BE uncomfortable.
Where most people want something different but continue to cling to cruise control, these women chose otherwise.
A lot of people talk about wanting to grow their leadership by reading a self-help book or listening to a podcast, but then get distracted with life and rarely anything changes
Not my people.
These women experienced their edge when it came to their own leadership last weekend. I was reminded that there is no replacement for experiencing coaching in the great outdoors. There’s a depth in the connection that gets created and that lends itself, so beautifully, to people dropping their armor and opening their hearts to being a stand for one another.
At one point, one of the women said how much she loved the hike, but hated having to look down all the time to avoid tripping on the rocks. Hours later realizing that was a telling metaphor for how she shows up in life –
if she’s constantly focused on what’s WAY out in front of her, it can lead to future tripping ⇢ which can stir up anxiety and in-action.
Realizing there are times where it’s necessary to focus on what’s right in front of her if she wants to take action and make changes.
Another Board member noticed she often chose to be in the back of the hikes, and when she would move to the front of the group, she felt wildly uncomfortable! She made it mean, in her head, that somehow she wasn’t as strong of a leader as the other women because she wasn’t in the front. Only to realize that leadership doesn’t look one way – and for her, hanging back and bringing up the rear allowed her to lead authentically.
If it weren’t for these women sitting in their discomfort and expanding their ability to sit in it, they wouldn’t have experienced these insights.
Subtle yes. Transformative, you better believe it.
You can read a version of this kind of growth somewhere, but when you experience it, embody it, that’s when you physically begin to show up differently in situations and lead from a more conscious place.
I have so much more to share, but for now, consider, “Who do you want to BE?”
How will you choose to BE in order to show up in leadership in ALL areas of your life?
If you’re one of my people and believe revolutionary growth happens inside revolutionary relationships, DM me to learn more about The Board 2022. We start in Feb. and the first spot has already been claimed! And…I’ll be announcing something very special about The Board for 2022 this week that has ME leaning into my edge.
Will you choose YOU this coming year?
Never underestimate possible.
Today’s leadership kick: Before that big event or meeting, take the time to create a vision for how you want to experience it. Then let that vision guide the choices you make.
This Friday I’ll be heading to Zion National Park with a group of incredibly driven, open-hearted, growth-minded women who have been part of my group coaching programover the last 9 months.
These are driven women who wear many different hats. They are committed to growing their own leadership while at the same time being a stand for one another in a very honest, transparent and open-hearted way. It’s required a big investment of time, money, and energy. So now we’re off to do the work in-person in the midst of magical Zion.
For me, there was a time leading up to big meetings and events where the week prior would feel chaotic. I’d have an endless list of things to do, and quite frankly, wasn’t a whole lot of fun to be around because of how much pressure I’d put on myself. The big meeting/event would ultimately go well but the experience leading up was so far from what I wanted – and I simply put I didn’t know any other way to BE.
How do you show up prior to an important work event?
Do you jam-pack your schedule?
Over-prepare to the point where you’re staying up late and then feel rubbish the next morning?
Do you become snippy with people around you?
Do you question if you know enough?
Do you obsess over all the details?
Do you feel a huge sense of relief when you actually get on the other side of the event?
If any of the above resonates with you, I so get it. I’ve realized through my own growth that the experience leading up to the event/meeting is equally important to me.
In fact, I often find it’s more enjoyable or equal to the event itself. As I go into the final week leading up to this retreat now, I still feel a variety of emotions: excitement, jitters, a bit of anxiousness – but above all I feel calm and grounded.
That question will draw you into the present moment, and from there you can choose to course correct and lead from such qualities like curiosity, vulnerability, grace, etc.. And as a bonus, here’s a pro-tip.
Regardless of how big the event or meeting is, take time to create a vision for how you want to experience it. This will give altitude while also connecting you to the experience, instead of focusing on the end result. Length of your vision doesn’t matter, so don’t get caught up! Write your vision in the present tense and remember, it’s this vision or something even better for your highest good.
Then let that vision guide the choices you make.
For example: I’ve cleared my evenings this week, so I have space to relax and rest. I’ve also let colleagues know that I’ll be less available this week. Not so I can fill that time but so I can create space. That space is what allows me to lead with a wide-open heart. This is the key to being an impactful and effective leader.
I’ll be sharing more about Zion as I have insights and learnings for you all, but in the meantime, slow your roll if you want to experience the gold that’s available to you in those BIG moments.
Today’s leadership kick: It’s hard to show up in leadership if you’re full of judgment.
I had a doozy of a day last week. I was in a coaching session with a client who generously provided some feedback and my ego had a heyday. Before I knew it I had a pit in my stomach, I started to sweat, and my speaking sped up. I started talking too much, which is always a sign that I’m working way too hard trying to prove something. I’d lost my way, clearly, and it felt crappy in the moment and even crappier when I got off the call.
Fortunately for me, I had my weekly call with two coaches I work with directly after. By this point, I was in a giant shame spiral and wishing I’d handled it differently.
One of the coaches gracefully reminded me about a concept from one of my favorite leadership books, ‘Getting Real’: the idea that I can go out and come back in.
As soon as she said it, my little voice went: ‘my clients, friends, and children get do-overs, but I certainly don’t.
Then it hit me. Why the heck not?!
I realized I have a pattern. When I don’t get something right, I beat myself up about it, leaking energy all over the place, which in turn keeps me from “going back in” and giving myself a do-over. And because I had little-to-no self-forgiveness for how I’d shown up, I had zero capacity to see what was possible by going back to the client and cleaning it up.
” It’s hard to show up in leadership if who you’re BEING in the moment is full of judgment.”
So I got to work on the self-forgiveness bit – I’ll share practical pro tips on that in the coming weeks. I found compassion for ‘not getting it right the first time.’ Then I was empowered to go back to my client and have the conversation again but from a place of responsibility and accountability.
It was another reminder that we have leadership moments all day long. The more we choose to BE in leadership, to cause leadership vs. be at the effect of it, the more we’re able to experience possibility and compassion for ourselves.
Today’s leadership kick: Close one of your biggest ENERGY LEAKS by improving your decision-making skills
* Do you wake up with a million thoughts going through your head and debate for a few minutes where to begin?
* Do you debate decisions at work, causing you to spend extra energy on something, only to leave you feeling depleted and anxious?
* Do you stare at your clothes and question what to wear only to default to the same go-to outfit?
* Do you debate taking that guys/girl’s trip and end up waiting until the last minute, only to cause confusion and frustration for all of those involved?
Likely if you answered YES to several of these, you’re operating from a context that there’s a ‘wrong decision’.
Which creates massive fear in your decision-making process.
Which results in feeling flustered, anxious, and overwhelmed.
I know, because for years I struggled with making decisions and it got in the way of how I lead in my business and my home – talk about a pet peeve of my husband!
Making decisions in a timely manner and not looking back, has elevated my leadership ten-fold in ALL areas of my life, and created a sense of calm throughout my day…rather than leaking energy all over the place.
To sharpen your decision-making skills, here are a few criteria I use, regardless of how small or important the decision is:
For example: are you thinking that there’s no wrong decision, or are you thinking that one decision is better than another?
Hint: If you’re answering that there’s a wrong decision, please ask yourself, “How do you know?”
Notice your thoughts. Do you have thoughts that are competing with choosing the decision that stretches you? Does that thought support growth or keeping you small?
Being a sharpshooter when it comes to decision-making is incredibly important if you’re committed to your leadership. Which is why I’m coaching around this in my upcoming group leadership program The Circuit Board. I have a hunch that you want to experience more growth, which means more of life on your edge that incorporates YOUR needs.
So when you go forth today, what decisions can you make that will help you grow?! Because those decisions will, in turn, ultimately give you more of what you want.
Today’s leadership kick: Your Leadership In Endings
Have you thought of it that way?!
Do you linger until you’re the last one there?
Do you do an Irish exist?
Do you start to withdraw near the end and move on to the next thing?
Do you promise to keep in touch but then never do?
Do you walk down memory lane during the end?
Do you get a pit in your stomach and feel lonely?
It’s not that there’s a wrong way or a right way when it comes to endings, but I do believe it’s an opportunity to get complete with whatever is coming to an end. To say what you need to say, so that when you put your head on your pillow at night you have zero regrets.
Because endings can be painful. It can be tempting to skip right over them and not let yourself feel all the feels. If you choose to lead that way, you risk skipping over gold that’s available to you.
As an ambitious Mom, do you often feel like you’re spinning plates and cups all the time, trying to find the ideal balance? It’s impossible isn’t it? Yet, even on the good days when you experience some sense of ‘balance’, do you still feel burned out and craving more happiness in your life?
This month’s Conscious Convo features Suzi Lula. She’s a mentor, colleague, and friend who inspires me to find my edge. And, she’s can sit on the other end of the phone and, by saying absolutely nothing, make me feel 100% supported. She’s that person for me.
I love the start of the school year. Seeing familiar faces that we haven’t seen in a while, renewed energy amongst both the children and the parents, and a curiosity about what the year will bring. I even take comfort in the anxiety that creeps in as I watch my boys find out which teachers they received and hunting to see if their friends got in the same class.
How do you prepare for an emotional conversation with your partner?
Do you dive into the deep end, hoping that it will all work out? I hear from so many ambitious women how their to-do lists are never-ending, work is ongoing, and they feel more and more disconnected from their partners.
Guess what? I’ve been there. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t fun.
Years ago, I was introduced to the concept of setting intentions. Note that this is not goal setting. Intention setting allows you to stay connected to your purpose and your intuition. It’s something that I infuse throughout my days because it’s a way for me to get laser-focused on how I want to experience what’s in front of me while remaining in alignment with who I want to be in the world. Sometimes there’s a misunderstanding that by setting intentions, you’re simply adding to your to-do list. Intentions are not to-do items.
Instead, you’re getting silent for a moment and getting crystal clear on how you want to feel in the upcoming experience. From there, you’re invoking an energy inside of yourself and asking the Universe to support you in receiving whatever it is that you need to receive, so you can be the person you want to be. Think about this as it relates to the three scenarios above and the different personality types you want to be in those various situations.
Another way to look at it is that you’re surrendering to the Universe and asking for help. Now, you may be thinking that sounds too woo woo. Hang in here with me!
What we know to be true is that the Universe meets us at the point of action; it’s there to support what we desire. By asking for what we want, we’re creating space for co-creation to happen. Some people call these experiences coincidences, but these are, in fact, moments when the Universe is working on our behalf.
Here are the steps to setting a powerful intention:
Activate your intuition.
State a clear intention that infuses what you want and how you want to experience it.
Detach from outcome expectations you may trap yourself into predicting once you’ve set your intention. Add the following language after your intention, “‘This something even better for my highest good.” By doing this, you’re trusting that if the experience doesn’t manifest the way in which you asked, it will turn out even better than you had imagined later because the Universe is working in accordance for your highest good.
Just one more tip: Use your words. These aren’t about getting fancy and using as many descriptive words as possible. This is about using words that resonate with you. Generally, short and simple is best!
Here are some examples for intention setting to get your mind going.
Hectic morning hour:
It’s my intention to be present, calm, and loving with myself, my children, and my partner as I begin the day.
Heading into huge presentation at work:
It’s my intention to show up fully and to deliver my message confidently and clearly, in a way that leaves others feeling inspired.
Conversation with your partner:
It’s my intention to be vulnerable and to listen with open mind and heart.
It’s my intention to help ambitious women live consciously with grace and ease. This or something even better for my highest good.
As you can see, you can frame intentions however you like and, most importantly, you want to have them handy, so you can review.
I’m encouraging each of you to try intention setting. Even if it feels a little out there. This has transformed the way in which I experience everything. From high profile work meetings, powerful coaching sessions, meaningful conversations with my husband, to heartfelt conversations with my children and girlfriends.
Here’s to intention setting and experiencing yourself fully,
I’m coming off a spiritual high! Last week, I gifted myself a four day intensive workshop with one of my mentors and a world class coach. Then, I attended Oprah’s Super Soul Sessions, featuring Oprah herself and ten of today’s most conscious thought leaders. A dream come true. Seriously.
I witnessed a whole lot of magnificence, a whole lot of inspiration, and whole lot of vulnerability. I realized that I felt most alive when those sharing were completely present, less concerned about nailing every point and more concerned with being real.
What mattered most was their vulnerability and energy vs. perfection of the delivery.
This got me thinking. How I can feel more connected to each one of you? It can be hard to initiate that connection over the Internet! Last week, I played this game with some colleagues and thought it was brilliant, so thought I would play it with you in effort to share more of the real me.
Here are Nine Things I Don’t Want You To Know About Me. My intention is to create connection and stimulate curiosity about who you’re here to become, so you can experience the fullness of who you are.
Without further ado, here are 9 things I don’t want you to know about me:
I get caught up with getting it right. Even though I know that taking action creates movement, I fall prey to stalling in pursuit of perfectionism.
Despite two years of planning, I was terrified to quit my stable, comfortable, corporate job to coach full time. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to ‘make it’ as a coach.
I cry at everything. When I say goodbye to friends, the thought of my seven year old turning eight, being in the presence of Oprah this past weekend. My husband tells me, “my feelers have feelers.” I’m overly emotional.
Until two years ago, I couldn’t tell you any of my dreams because I didn’t have any. I’d lost sight of who I was.
I would have preferred to have a brother or sister. Being an only child is lonely.
I raise my voice at my children more times than I’d care to mention. I’m embarrassed about how impatient I can be.
I have a huge inner critic; actually a committee of critics. It paralyzes me if I’m not careful and leads to major self-doubt.
I get defensive easily, especially with my husband, and it’s the cause of many of arguments. It’s something I have to work on everyday.
I’m afraid of dying, despite my deeply spiritual beliefs. The thought of not being with my family in the physical world scares me. This can make me feel like a fraud given what I practice spiritually.
Whew. I feel a bit exposed and lighter. I want to feel more connected to you so what about this idea: Will you share with me one thing that you don’t want me to know about YOU by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org?
I love this exercise because vulnerability assists you in facing your fears. I’m inviting you to try this and see where it takes you.
I use to think it was about having it all figured out. Once I had the road map, then I wouldn’t feel stuck. Then, I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed with family obligations. Then, I would feel fulfilled at work. Then, I would feel sexier and more playful. Finally, I would feel happier.
What I found was that I didn’t need a blueprint. While it certainly helped to have a vision, what got me out of feeling stuck and going for my biggest desires was my commitment. I think this quote sums it up so beautifully:
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
– William Hutchinson Murray
Here’s my two-step process to help me get crystal clear on my commitments:
1. What are you most committed to in your life and are they in alignment with your values and greatest vision for yourself?
Or, are they serving as distractions, keeping you comfortable and allowing you to coast on cruise control?
Sit with that question for a minute. This is one of those questions I ask myself daily. Because it gives me insight into how to make my next move whether it be building out a new program in CWM, which personal friendships to invest time into or how I choose to spend a Sunday afternoon. Once you get clear on what you’re most committed to, ask yourself the following questions.
2. What part of me is making this decision? Is it my ego or is it from my highest self?
Our egos are quick to respond for us. Generally, this is what keeps us saying YES and wanting to please people before taking care of our own needs first. Consider yourself first when you’re evaluating where your decision is coming from. Slow down, sisters, when you ask yourself this question. There’s no need to rush.
In addition to being part of the CWM community, the common thread in the success stories of these ladiesis that they committed themselves to experiencing the truth of who they are. Just feel that for a minute. That’s huge. These ladies were determined to have the full experience of who they are. This sometimes meant living on their edge and changing things up drastically, so they could experience a different outcome. It also meant taking daily steps. What we know to be true is action creates movement — even the tiniest action.
I can really relate to feeling stuck. I’ve been there. I hate that feeling. Now, you’ve got an easy tool to raise your consciousness and course-correct. With your expanded consciousness, you will experience freedom. It’s time to step up and out of the illusion that something is impossible. It’s all possible.
Do you remember why you wanted to become a Mom? What were your ambitious before you entered that chapter?
For me, it was simple. I wanted to experience something bigger than myself. In this strange way, even though I knew it would radically change my life, I also knew it was a non-negotiable for me. You see, I had this vision of being highly involved with my children and exposing them to as many experiences as possible. At the same time, I envisioned myself continually evolving, leading, making an impact in meaningful work that fulfills me.
Your ‘Why’ may be different than mine, and that’s okay. As we get into the trenches of motherhood and experience its magnificence, it doesn’t always look the way we expected it would. Things we thought we’d never do, we end up doing. So it’s no wonder, that at times we feel disconnected from ourselves, or a particular dream. Can you relate?
Here’s what I know to be true. You can be a Mom and have space for yourself to thrive too. To feel what it looks like, give yourself permission to:
Engage in meaningful work
Spend money on yourself
Intellectually challenge yourself
Have a interest
Take risks in your career
Go on a date night
Finish your cup of tea before it gets cold
Spend a Saturday afternoon alone
Go to an art opening
Take a girls trip
Sit and read a book during the day when you can stay awake
Have a meal cooked for you
Have time to nurture your soul
Engage in purposeful and heartfelt conversations daily
I know it may not be everyday that you create space for yourself, but stretch and remember your WHY and your desires. You get to create the vision of how you want to experience being a Mom and a woman. Isn’t that incredible? Be the author of of your own story.
I’m celebrating you and the vision that you hold for yourselves.
Happy Mother’s Day Mamas. May your light continue to shine brightly,
Are you a planner? It’s Sunday night, and you’re strategizing about what you will get done and by when? What about the weekend? Do find yourself making plans, filling all possible white space with dinner with friends, baseball games, family outings…you name it, you’ve planned it.
I have a confession. I’m a planner. I inherited it from my Mama. I’m quite proud of it, in fact, because it’s served me well in the efficiency department. However, when I had my big wake up call a few years ago, I realized that my scheduling was trumping my ability to be conscious. There were so many times when I missed experiencing something that was truly for my highest good, that fed my soul, that challenged me because I had everything planned out.
This past weekend, I gifted myself a weekend away with my Mama in the gorgeous city of Nashville. Remember, my Mama is a planner, and there’s still a part of me that loves a good old fashioned itinerary.
However, I sent my Mama our weekend travel plans on a doc that included a big red, “SUBJECT TO CHANGE AT ANY TIME” on the top. Did they ever. While in flight, a friend who lives in Nashville shared that Paul Simon was playing at the Ryman on Saturday night. The Ryman is one of those music venues I have always wanted to see — it’s an old church where the Grand Ole Opry originated (it still has the original pews!). Our issue was that we had tickets to the Opry for that same night and were so excited to see it — I planned it!
This was a dilemma for me. What if I couldn’t get tickets? What if the seats were no good? What it we didn’t end up doing either in the process? We’d talked about going to the Opry for so long! But, there was a feeling of adventure and joy at the thought of going to the Ryman to see the amazing Paul Simon!
What I’ve learned is that the richness of potential outcomes and experiences of following that feeling of joy and adventure, even if not achieved, far outweighs the comfort and stick-to-the-plan routine that we can lock ourselves into.
I’m pointing this out because this experience evoked a feeling inside of me that I think most of us can identify with it, but don’t always capitalize on.
I’ve learned to not spend a lot of time hemming and hawing in situations like this, and, instead, follow the ‘good feeling’ and the experience that I’m after.
To wrap up this example, I made a few calls and was able to move our Opry tickets and get great seats to Paul Simon.
Why am I telling you this? Because had I ignored that feeling because I was so attached to my plan, I would have missed out on an experience that fed my soul. I don’t think it’s any different in motherhood or in the Corporate world. If you’re craving to feel connected and in alignment with who you really are at your core, then you must get comfortable with agility. One must be able to to detach from ‘the plan’ and follow the good feeling, so that you can receive all that is available to you in that very moment. Don’t be fooled into thinking that if you don’t stick to a plan, you can’t be efficient and do all that that you want to.
As I was travelling back home, I reviewed our itinerary and was blown away. In fact, we even added a side trip to a little town 20 minutes outside of the city that I was dying to see, but didn’t think we would have time. We probably experienced more than I could have imagined, yet there was a flow to it all. This logic applies in the workspace and in motherhood too.
These are the 3 questions I ask myself when choosing how to spend my time:
What’s my intention?
What’s my Why behind my intention?
How do I want to feel?
These questions have helped me experience what I want to in my personal, professional and home life.
I know that abandoning plans can be scary as all heck, but start with these quick questions to establish some white space in your life. It’s incredible what you can create, experience, overcome, connect, achieve and feel in doing so.
In nearly every conversation I have throughout the day, I hear the word freedom. I hear it referenced by my working Mom clients, stay-at-home Moms, and young professionals – everyone wants to experience more freedom.
This weekend, I mustered up the strength to visit our storage unit with all three boys in tow and found myself on a mission. In the past I would hem and haw over each item. But, not this time. I had a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude and loaded up our car with things that have been collecting dust since we returned from London 6 years ago. It became clear to me that I want to feel lighter and, by doing away with these last few items from a European move, I can do that.
Where are you craving freedom?
Freedom to express what’s on your mind and in your heart?
Freedom from overwhelm, anxiety, and sacrifice?
Freedom to experience something new?
Freedom to do what you love and get paid for it?
Freedom to change your mind?
Freedom to be spontaneous?
Freedom to do nothing!
If freedom and a life you love from the inside out is what you’re after, then the best place to start is your mindset. It’s so refreshing to know that you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances any longer and can chose how you relate to each situation you’re in. The freedom will come in knowing you have a choice in every moment you experience.
Grab the same juicy 2-step process I use with CWM clients to experience as much freedom you’re able to receive:
What are your core values? It’s super important to pick words and phrases that you feel connected to. Do not pick words that you think you need to have on your list. Try and narrow down to five.
Display these values in front of you daily and, each time you make a decision, run them through your values. You want to discover if that choice supports your governing philosophy and how you want to experience your life OR if it constricts you.
What’s fascinating to me is that corporations do this religiously, yet as individuals I find most of us waffle when it comes to sharing our top five values. It’s no surprise that we feel out of alignment, compromised, overwhelmed, unexpressed, under-utilized, and exhausted because we’re not acting in our truth.
It’s time to start living the best version of you. I’m nudging you a bit to try this on because what’s on the other side is happiness. Calmness. Intimacy. Fulfillment. Inspiration. Love. Aliveness.
It’s almost impossible to accomplish anything with a mindset that’s full of self-doubt. As you’ve probably already discovered you can’t take risks or steps forward when you’re full of question marks. Self-doubt leads to limiting beliefs, which do not empower you. Limiting Beliefs are a thought that runs through your head, particularly if it’s a repeated thought that arises against your will.