Have things been feeling “Messy?”
When’s the last time you answered the question, “How’s it going?” with the real stuff, and not just, “I’m good, but busy and tired.”?
When was the last time you sat at another human’s dining room table and talked about your relationships, your work, your health, your worries, politics or your faith and really felt like you were the only one that mattered in that moment?
When’s the last time you totally let your guard down and asked for help?
When’s the last time you said NO and didn’t worry about others liking you less?
When’s the last time you felt like quitting, and someone said to you… ‘oh no you don’t.’ This is who you are and you owe it to yourself to go for it?
Over the last 6 months I found myself craving a deeper sense of community, particularly around my desire to live a more soul-filling life, which means really being choosy in how I spend my energy. Still ambitious, but a more simplified, intentional version of life. I was craving spaciousness and connection that was not only deeper but had a wider range.
What I’ve realized is that we’re sold community, as if the minute you join a group you’re going to instantly feel like you’ve made best friends; you know friends who totally get you and see you.
This isn’t really the case!
Finding a community of your people is a combination of laser-sharp facilitating and showing up fully in SELF.
Even then, I find the getting-to-know-each-other phase can be a bit slow, especially if you haven’t met in person. Real community can be awkward, boring, average and, dare I say ‘just fine.’
I’ve just come off a weekend spending time in person with a community I recently joined. Thank you Allison Crow for creating Cultivate; a group of female business owners, all craving a more soul-filling biz and life. Our group connection started with meetings over zoom and at times it felt nice, sometimes awkward, average and dare I say ‘fine.’ What I realized after spending time together in person this past weekend, is that if we want to experience the kind of community where we feel completely understood and seen, we have to fully show up.
I don’t mean fake it until you make it, I mean here are my dreams, biggest fears, things that keep me up at night, shame stories and everything in-between.
What I’ve experienced time and time again is that when I show up with all my parts, all my stories and give people my full presence, real community is created and this is what is life changing.
Each time I’ve elevated to the next level in my marriage, motherhood, or my business, it’s because of one belief I swear by. Revolutionary growth happens inside revolutionary relationships!
I can’t imagine not having a group to lean into who has my back, believes in me 100%, accepts me exactly as I am encouraging me to choose discomfort over resentment, and reminds me who I am when I forget.
Connection is the gift at the heart of community. It’s not just about depth, it’s about range.
So… how’s your relationship to communities?
I know for me the more I let go of the dream of experiencing an ‘ideal’ community and I embrace the messy, real community, which means I show up from my truest self, I experience belonging. Boom. That’s when transformation happens. When one human transforms in a group, you better believe there’s a ripple.
If this kind of community resonates with you, email me. I have something to discuss with you.
Tags: choosing, coaching, leadership, wanting.