Do you judge yourself?

Today’s leadership kick: It’s hard to show up in leadership if you’re full of judgment.

I had a doozy of a day last week. I was in a coaching session with a client who generously provided some feedback and my ego had a heyday. Before I knew it I had a pit in my stomach, I started to sweat, and my speaking sped up. I started talking too much, which is always a sign that I’m working way too hard trying to prove something. I’d lost my way, clearly, and it felt crappy in the moment and even crappier when I got off the call.

Fortunately for me, I had my weekly call with two coaches I work with directly after.  By this point, I was in a giant shame spiral and wishing I’d handled it differently.

One of the coaches gracefully reminded me about a concept from one of my favorite leadership books, ‘Getting Real’: the idea that I can go out and come back in.
As soon as she said it, my little voice went: ‘my clients, friends, and children get do-overs, but I certainly don’t.

Then it hit me. Why the heck not?!

I realized I have a pattern. When I don’t get something right, I beat myself up about it, leaking energy all over the place, which in turn keeps me from “going back in” and giving myself a do-over.  And because I had little-to-no self-forgiveness for how I’d shown up, I had zero capacity to see what was possible by going back to the client and cleaning it up.

” It’s hard to show up in leadership if who you’re BEING in the moment is full of judgment.”

So I got to work on the self-forgiveness bit – I’ll share practical pro tips on that in the coming weeks. I found compassion for ‘not getting it right the first time.’  Then I was empowered to go back to my client and have the conversation again but from a place of responsibility and accountability. 

It was another reminder that we have leadership moments all day long. The more we choose to BE in leadership, to cause leadership vs. be at the effect of it, the more we’re able to experience possibility and compassion for ourselves.

I believe in you,

XX,

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