Residing in the tension between being and doing….
Even though I’m almost eight years in on running my own business and nearly 12 years of parenting, I’m still working on my ability to hang in the tension between slowing down and intensely running with my ambition. It’s hard to admit this because I feel like I should have it figured out by now, especially since this is one of the biggest hurdles I see my clients struggle with, but I don’t. Like you, I find it wildly uncomfortable to downgrade my speed.
I notice this tension is much higher during the Summer (hello, parents!) and when I take a holiday. The committee inside my brain, shouting, “You should be with the boys, it’s Summer!” or, “You’re on holiday, sleep in. Finish the 10 million books you’ve started….”
You feel me?
For me, and from what I hear from many of my clients, both men and women, is that it all stems from the fear of, if I’m not planning, if I’m not doing, if I’m not getting ahead, then I’m going to fall behind.
Off I — we — go, down the same spiral. If I fall behind, I’m going to be more overwhelmed.
I’m going to miss out on that client, that deal, that opportunity.
Then the real kicker: I won’t be a success. Ugg.
However I, you, we define success.
It’s a bitter shame spiral and, when we’re in it, there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
We’re smart people, so we know intellectually while learning to rest, or slow down, is critical, but it sure doesn’t make it any easier. Does it?
What on earth do we do? Why can’t we just hit a RELAX button and know that if we choose to relax, all the trains will stay on the track, pointed in the right direction?
I’ve been working this challenge for years and been coaching around it, and here’s what’s helped me. I’ve come a long way since first starting my business and having children. The short answer is that it’s all hinging on your leadership.
Here are three powerful questions I’d take a moment to answer that will help you
- Do you buy into the belief that taking time to nourish your spirit allows you feel grounded, more connected, and more creative? If you don’t, that’s a place to look!
- Are you clear on your values, and are you intentionally prioritizing how you spend your time based on those values? Be honest here.
- Who would you be without all that thinking or worry, and what would you be able to experience right now in this moment? Seriously, take a moment to visualize what would be possible.
For me, what’s on the other side of that is a version of myself that trusts in the Universe and the intentional groundwork I’ve laid both in my professional life and my personal life (in other words, less controlling anda version of me that feels so freeing).
I experience a version of me that feels free from overwhelming thoughts, more connected to my heart and the infinite possibilities of creativity that lie within, more relaxed around my children and husband, and just so much more alive. It’s a feeling that’s hard to put into words, but you know it when you feel it. I want the same for you. I want to put an end to this idea and behavior that supports you in going a mile a minute because you believe your world will fall apart if you slow down.
The world wants you in your wonder and, in order to do so, we must slow down to speed up.
Not sure how to do that? Reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll make space for you in my diary to have a conversation this month.