You want different results, show up differently.
Last week I shared how there is gold in this experience for ALL of us if we’re open to slowing down just long enough to see it. For those of you who took a few minutes to post on social or email me directly about the Gold you’re finding, thank you! I love hearing from our SG community of driven leaders.
I was on a video call this week with one of my clients, who’s typically going 100 miles an hour as the President of a Fortune 500 company, and she shared that the biggest gift for her during this pandemic has been slowing down enough (while keeping all the plates at work spinning!) to catch some of her children’s milestones. She experienced her son riding his bike for the first time. As someone who’s working long hours and on a plane weekly, that was a huge gift for her. In fact, it was the insight behind that gift that really rocked her. She gave me permission to share this with you in hopes of helping others use their gold for growth and learning.
She had always imagined being an impactful leader AND being a present Mom who would never miss her children’s milestones. Over time, that desire faded and was replaced with her reality that had her on planes more often than she ever expected and working 15 hour days.
When had she become someone who had settled for a different kind of motherhood experience than she had imagined?
The short answer is: life got busy, responsibilities started piling up, society alway says “you can’t have it all etc”, and BOOM! She became agreeable, and the rest is history.
Fast forward to this week, and she can’t stop thinking about her powerful insight. She had two choices: She could note the insight and then continue to play the game of life the same way she’s been playing it for the past 20 years, which includes pointing fingers at Corporate America, her partner, and anyone else for that matter who’s standing in the way of the experience she’s really desiring.
OR, she could do something about it.
Now, the latter is the harder choice. Not because it’s work — driven people aren’t afraid of doing work — but because it’s uncomfortable to look at why experiences aren’t really happening the way you’d like them to.
Here’s what I want to impart on you: It’s not that she started doing something differently such as ignoring all her corporate responsibilities, so she could catch a milestone moment. It’s that she took a look at her leadership. In other words, the qualities in which she had been standing in that was perpetuating her to be absent. The quality that stood out the most to her was being agreeable. Compliant behavior led to her to not use her voice, to not establish clear boundaries that would empower her to be both a visible leader AND an engaged, present Mom.
I gave her an assignment: She made a list of all the areas in her life where she’s being agreeable. You guys, the list was so long. It’s no wonder that many of her deepest desires weren’t coming to fruition. Just by making this list, she felt empowered to shift her leadership. It was a major eye opener!
We left that video call with her commitment to stand in honesty, specifically with her teams.
The result? She got on a call the next day with her teams and was honest about how her leadership was impacting her relationships with her children and set a new boundary around when she is and isn’t available for calls. While the action seems obvious, it’s the shift in her leadership, her way of being, that has had the biggest impact.
As a driven person, my hunch is you’re hungry for more. It’s not enough to just harvest your gold; you want more. You want different results.
Before you go down the path of trying to figure out the solution. Look at your leadership. Who you’re being and start there. Shift your being, shift your results. No need to overcomplicate it.
If you’re like me and generally want MORE and want support around this, I’d love to hear from you. Email me or drop me a line on social.