There’s Gold in the Uncertainty
How are you feeling? Not an easy question to answer, but I care about you and want to know! I’ve been a bit quiet since the whole pandemic landed in my life. When I start to experience a lot of change, my pattern is to turn inward. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I’m an observer at times. When I was a little girl & wanted to try something new, I would watch. Study it. Then, I would dive in with intention & do whatever the thing was on my terms.
I’ve taken a lot of time to reflect on this pandemic. Sat with questions like, “If this were happening for us, then what’s the gold?” Surely there’s gold, right?
I keep coming back to this idea that we, as a society, have been asking for more time, more connection, &, whadayaknow?!, the Universe delivered an expected pause.
Starting in March, I found myself scratching my head, having what felt like an out of body experience, stuck in one of those 80’s sci-fi movies about the end of life as we know it. I had moments where I felt like a space cadet, moving through the days silently, introspectively in isolation, & then experiencing immediate existential bursts of energy & excitement over my realization that there is now space in my day to breathe. Imagine the impact that has had on my family, not knowing who they were going to get from day to day!
Can you relate?
I was fantasizing about Q1 2020, the days when (I felt like) I had control over my life. I had loads of travel for work & fun, experienced my biggest professional growth for SG&Co in 8 years, was present for 3 basketball games every Saturday, had tennis lessons twice a week, & standing weekly date nights. We hosted lots of house guests, hiked when we wanted to & went to the grocery store multiple times a week. Short days. Feelings of joy, exhilaration, exhaustion, overwhelm, gratitude, momentum, possibility. Control.
Fastforward, & Q2 is underway with certainty running off like a bride with cold feet. The sense of control I thought I had was an illusion. Now that the running to & from, & the sense of freedom that I had — defined by being able to DO what I wanted when I wanted — has faded, I have space to notice all the feels.
Anxiousness & curiosity are co-existing. My sheer feeling of horror towards noise. My boys are in the house so much more; you guys, it’s LOUD. I’m refereeing so much, & screens are at an all time high. I’m super uncomfortable with it.
Did I mention I’m married to a Texan?! Pandemic or not, he just has a loud voice. God love that loudmouth.
But, without all the running to & from, it’s like I’m wearing a fresh pair of polarized sunglasses that have yet to be scratched. I feel like I’m actually noticing shades of things in a way that I never had before.
Is anyone else having this experience?
Here’s what I’ve noticed:
- Now, more than ever, I get the saying, “The only thing you have control over is how you show up & relate to your life.” I’m recognizing now, more than ever, it’s imperative I live from my values, as that’s what informs my way of being.
- I need to protect my energy & manage my boundaries. My intuition is loud, & it’s up to me to choose to listen to her.
- It’s really, really uncomfortable when all the obvious distractions disappear, & I’m forced to BE in the present a hell of a lot more than ever before; still getting used to this.
- I’m noticing beauty around me so much more. Last week, I heard a woodpecker & went running back to get one of my boys & my phone to video this guy just pecking away.
- My children are sharing a lot more. Or, maybe it’s that I’m listening & paying attention.
- My husband is incredibly talented at building things & enrolling our 3 boys in the process. I knew he was handy, but not like this. It’s really sexy seeing him build.
- I love to cook & actually prefer to make up my own dishes vs. following a recipe. I’ll share more about my concoctions soon.
- My clients are scared, anxious, &, yet, they keep showing up. They’re opening, instead of closing, in the face of fear. They’re having really hard conversations at work, &, yet, they’re growing more than ever vs. falling prey to the tempting & easy route of shutting down.
- I love puzzles. I used to think I didn’t have the concentration, but I do.
- I love riding bikes. I like to pretend I’m in a bike gang when all 5 of us are out riding. It feels like we can conquer anything together.
- I feel more like myself when my priorities align with my values instead of my expectations. I see possibility everywhere.
I’ve always prided myself as being a feeler (John, my husband, says my feelings have feelings). You guys, I feel like I can feel again in ways that I never knew were possible.
This, my people, my community, I believe is what it feels like to experience connection on the inside. To be ever-so-present that you notice the details. You feel the details. You live the details. It’s less about the big broad strokes & more in the details.
I want to hear about the GOLD you’re discovering. It’s this gold that will support us in living our legacy each day. In the spirit of Maya Angelou, “Your legacy is every life you touch. It’s your way of being.”
Make no mistake about it: You have 100% control over who you BE throughout the day. Minute to minute. That’s called leadership. Our leadership is tested more than ever in the breakdown. So, buckle up you guys. Harvest your gold & use everything you’re feeling, noticing, & learning to stand in leadership & live your legacy.
That is how we’re going to turn this horrific pandemic into a blessing.
Possibility is everywhere if you choose it,