It doesn’t start at commitment, it starts at recommitment

I speak with driven, ambitious women all day who long for more, but are often afraid to admit it because they’re stuck somewhere between guilt and gratitude. Taking care of others and making time for themselves; doing what others expect and living from their values; speaking others truth and speaking their own. Sound familiar?

Once they begin to let it out (big exhale) and own their thoughts and feelings, they have all sorts of ideas about what they want and how they really want to feel. They immediately relax! They start to open up. They start to smile more. Some of the things I hear all day long…

  • I want to make a bigger impact professionally and enjoy what I’m doing while also being an engaged wife and Mom.
  • I want to feel more alive, more grounded, and less overwhelmed.
  • I want to feel like I have more time!
  • I want to feel cherished and appreciated by my partner.
  • I want time for myself at work or at home, but I can’t set strong boundaries.
  • I want to be able to respond and not react .
  • Life is really good, but I want more…

Often, when I ask what else…. I hear….

  • I have this dream…..

Often, I notice the same thing over and over: They have a very clear idea of how they want to feel and even have a vision for what it would look like if they made it happen. However, their analytical brains take over, and they get hung up on the ‘how’ and then stalled by the ‘lack of time.’ Sound familiar?

So I ask them, “What are you committed to?” Some will either respond with an ‘obvious’ answer like, “My family, my work, my children” while others will give a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

Aha! Have you ever considered that what you might have committed to 20 years ago, you have either outgrown? You might need to carefully examine what matters to you most, so that you can recommit and live from that place?

Everyone talks about commitment. Don’t get me wrong, commitment is wildly important. But what I think is even more important, is recommitment. If you committed to your partner 20 years to be honest, kind, and supportive, but you haven’t recommitted on a regular basis, how is that working for you? I’m not talking about saying a bunch of words, I’m talking about embodying it.

The more you keep clarifying what you’re committed to, and the more you embody recommitment, the more it will inform you on what intentional actions to take, so that you can step into what it is you really want.

For those of you who are wondering how to determine what your committed to, the best place to start is identifying your core values. Here’s the thing, if you’re not living your life through the lense of your values, you will end up living your life based on expectations. As you’ve probably experienced, that can lead to great disappointment because you’ll end up sacrificing yourself.

Remember, it’s Mother’s Day. I can’t think of a better time to take yourself for a walk or sit down with a journal to answer the question, “What am I committed to right now?” And then, “What am I recommitmenting myself to?

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