Ready For Your Life to be Easier?
Do you ever feel like everything is a struggle? If you’re like me, from the moment you get out bed, your list of responsibilities is a mile long. To name a few:
Morning routine, which includes a thousand steps.
Taking the children to school, which I consider a privilege, but one that involves time and energy.
Pursuit of purpose – for me that’s running a full-time, global business. For others, it can look like running a non-profit, volunteering at their children’s school, or raising their younger children at home.
Whatever it may be, it’s A LOT!
So, how do you approach people to ask for help and support? Before I had three children and my business was where it is today, I had a hard time asking for help. I would rationalize that it was easier to do it all myself. But the truth is, asking for help made me feel weak, vulnerable, and (gasp) needy.
The mantra of my life was, “That’s okay. I’ve got it.”
When my husband and I had my third son, three under the age of three years old, I was in the process of earning my masters degree and running my business. It was then that I had a major AHA moment: the truth is that we are all needy; we need community, family, and a tribe. We need to lean on other people and be there when other people need to lean on us.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be operating in the world of the Lone Wolf, the belief system that values independence, competence, and not needing anyone else. When you do ask for help, it feels easier and cleaner to pay someone to do it or to compensate for the ask by insisting that you’ll return the favor. That way, you can still tell yourself that you’re doing your part, pulling your weight, not being “needy.”
Turn “Favor” into “Help”
Do you couch your requests for help as asking for a “favor”?
I called my husband the other day to ask him to pick up the kids because I had a last minute meeting come up, and I began the conversation with, “Hey, can I ask you a favor? Can you pick up the kids? I’m really sorry to put you out.” I stopped myself in my tracks…I was posing a request for support from my life partner as if I were entering a negotiation–you do this for me, I’ll be sure to do something for you later was the subtext.
As I was making the request, I realized I was feeling needy and guilty and that and I was compensating for that in the subtext.
What if you experimented replacing the phrase “Can I ask you a favor?” with “Can you help me?”
The conversation with my husband would have gone something like: “Hi, can you help me? I’ve had this great opportunity come up, and I need help picking up the kids.”
You may find that:
*The joy of receiving generosity replaces the guilt of putting someone out.
*A child-like vulnerability and open-heartedness replaces your story about not being needy.
*You feel empowered and supported rather than apologetic and weak.
*Your willingness to help others increases as you feel more authentic support from others.
Could you imagine how much more freedom you would feel if you asked just one person a day for support? It could be with something simple at work or at home. Or, start by saying YES to the person who asks if you want help carrying your groceries to the cars.
Don’t wait. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be and go at it alone. I have a challenge for you, if you choose to accept. Will you ask one person to help you today and share with the CWM community about your experience? It can be one word or one sentence. We appreciate brevity as modern women. Allow some goodness and grace into your life and let’s inspire and hold each other accountable.