Be Your Own Valentine

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Happy Heart Day.

I don’t know about you, but this holiday always seems to creep up on me, and I’ve noticed that it’s the one holiday that I truly have experienced differently throughout the various stages of my life. I have to admit something, and maybe you can relate: I was caught up with this holiday for surface value. Here’s what I mean.

Pre-husband, I just wanted a Valentine’s Day date. Heaven forbid I spent the day alone!

During the days when I worked in a corporate office, was I going to be one of the lucky ones who received flowers at work on the most popular day of the year?

Once I was married, before kids, it was about expectations. It was a given that my husband would take ownership of the holiday. How was he going to make it feel special?

Once I became a mother, it became a hybrid of celebrating my husband and my children, and feeling slightly confused about the holiday and how to embrace it.

Now, here I am two months into being 40, mother of three boys, married for almost 10 years– and I’ve had an epiphany: Valentine’s Day isn’t about embracing singlehood while secretly hoping for ‘the one;’ it’s not about hoping that your partner will shower you with flowers and lingerie; and it isn’t about simplistic lovey-dovey platitudes. It’s about cultivating a loving relationship with yourself. Full stop. This relationship, which is full of compassion and forgiveness, allows you to heal yourself, soothe yourself, and nurture yourself, so that you will completely revolutionize the way you show up for your lover, spouse, or partner.

This can be hard for Mamas, because we overstretch ourselves and naturally start to turn outward for approval in an effort to lift our spirits when we feel exhausted, underappreciated, and overwhelmed.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my own self-discovery and through hundreds of conversations with ambitious Moms: once you can show up with complete compassion for yourself, without seeking your partner to make you feel better, you’re able to connect with them in a way like never before. You go from needy to confident. From unheard to seen. Suddenly, expectations around holidays like Valentine’s Day slip away, because you realize they’re irrelevant. You can connect with your partner any day of the year.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mamas. If you showed up with more compassion for yourself today, how might you talk and act differently with your partner today? Start by being your own Valentine. I want to hear from you. Please post in the comments section below.

So Much Love,


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