Something Big Happened, and I thought, “Did I DO enough?”
This weekend I had a dear friend take her life. She was the person on the other end of the line a few years ago when I felt like my life was flipped upside down. She was there when I felt disconnected from my husband, when I had reached a glass ceiling in my career, when I felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities as a working Mom, and when I couldn’t remember the last time I had a dream. She was the coach that helped me navigate the rough waters and see that there was another way of living.When I got the call that she couldn’t meet for our scheduled walk because she had transitioned to the Spiritual world, I went into an old thought pattern questioning myself. Did I DO enough?
I’m a mother of three boys. I’m a wife, married to an entrepreneur. I run a thriving business. I was tired. So, did I drop the ball? Could I have saved her? If I had only been more available. What if we had scheduled our walk for last Friday instead of this Tuesday. Would that have made a difference? My mind was racing. This was a similar feeling I had experienced for years as a working Mom. Constantly questioning, am I doing enough for the children, for my husband, for my clients? I was left feeling like all my efforts still weren’t enough.
I took some time yesterday to work my own process since this is what I talk to many of my clients about and had ah-ha moment. I have an opportunity to be gentle with myself and practice three simple tools that I coach other women into using and that have given me so much mileage in my own life.
1. I did the very best I could do in every correspondence with my friend at the time. Do you operate under that spiritual law in every situation you’re in?
2. By listening and supporting my own responsibilities first, I was able to show up and just BE loving towards my friend. I never offered advice. I just listened. It wasn’t a matter of me DOING anything for her.
3. I’m only responsible for myself (and my children to a certain age). I can’t assume responsibility for other people’s choices. Do you assumer over-responsibility?
As a working Mom, I find it’s so easy to question myself (after all we have a zillion decisions to make throughout the day) and often I’m left with the biggie, “Am I doing enough?” when I feel like I’m in downpour of overwhelm and responsibilities. However, I have found using tools like these is an easier path to feeling whole, and calm with much less resistance. I encourage you to try them on.
I have so much for my friend and the journey she is on. I’m thankful for the opportunity I had to just BE with her. I do believe we have a choice to be conscious working COMPASSIONATE mamas, even in the midst of all the chaos at any given time.
Hug yourself and loved ones tightly,