What If My Idea of Success Starts With Being Instead of Doing More?
Hi Working Moms,
I wanna know what’s a typical day like for you and how do you experience joy and success amongst the demands of motherhood and your career? When do your start, and when does it end? Regardless of whether you run your own business, go into a corporate office, or have flex hours, there’s often a feeling of wanting to accomplish as much as possible in order to feel successful, which we expect to produce happiness.
Most working Moms are very busy getting as much done as they possibly can during their awake state.
Here’s a typical day of one of my dear, working Mom friends.
- 4:45 – 6am: get up and work for an hour
- 6 – 7am: hit the early morning workout class
- 7 – 7:30: get kids started (dressed, breakfast etc.) before nanny arrives at 7:30
- 7:30 – 8:30: shower and get out the door
- 8:30 -9:30: sit in traffic
- 9:30 – 6pm: work
- 6 – 7pm: Networking related work event 2x a week or meeting for volunteer organization 1x a week
- 7:30 – 8:30: get home, check homework, make dinner, make lunches for next day, figure out children’s needs for following day, and add to the never-ending to-do list for the weekend
- 8:30 – 9: get kids down for the night (teeth, stories etc.)
- 9 – 10:30: work/ read
- 10:30 – 11pm: talk to my husband and go to bed!
My hunch is that you have your own variation of this schedule; every minute feels accounted for. Do you find that you consistently try to cram one more thing in pursuit of what feels like success to you? Or happiness? Note, what works for one of you, could absolutely not work for other other.
We all can agree that there’s a general pressure for all of us to do more in order to be successful and feel happy. For Working Moms, it’s not about doing more, it’s about being more. This is a huge paradigm shift compared to the way the corporate world has traditionally encouraged us to operate: work first, be second. Meaning, if you succeed in work, you will then be happy and traditionally speaking, society focuses on what you should accomplish, instead of who you are as a person.
In a nutshell, I’ve discovered if I really want to feel like a success and experience loads of happiness and fulfillment, I have to let my ‘being’ inform my ‘doing,’ not the other way around (cramming one more thing into my schedule or multi-tasking, resulting in exhaustion and resentment).
Here are 4 simple tips to help you experience success and joy through letting your Being influence you Doing:
- Check-in with yourself. Are you experiencing exactly how you want to feel each day? Fulfillment? Inspiration? If not, follow steps #2 – #4
- Give yourself permission to live in the flow and flexibility of life, instead of controlling every minute of your day. By embracing flexibility, you will strengthen your ability to reside in your being vs. doing.
- Ask yourself each morning morning, what is the one thing you can do each day to support the way you want to feel (answer to #1). Make that your main priority for the day.
- Practicing self-compassion when you veer from your schedule. The goal is to enjoy life and “be” in it vs. watching from the sidelines while you try and “do” more.
Being a working Mom can feel grueling. It can also feel incredibly rewarding and inspiring as we model who we are and exhibit our gifts for our children.
If you can relate to the working Mom who’s still trying to do just one more thing each day, so that she can feel like a success, then I’d love to talk with you. I’ve been there and I’ve also burned out from it. I’ve helped women replace the pattern of doing more with strengthening their being, so that they can experience success defined by a living a full life with grace, joy and with plenty of abundance.
Let your being inform your doing. It’s through this lens that you will experience a lot more joy and the kind of success I think we all want. Not to mention new opportunities will come to you because of your new ability to not only see and receive them. This can come in the form of a promotion, a child, or finding your soulmate. Try these tips and let me know how you define success in my comments section. I’d love to hear from you! Remember, there’s no ‘set schedule,’ to define success, it’s really does come down to what feels right for you, so listen to your intuition and course correct if need be.