Speaking of light…I wanna know…Are you letting yours shine as brightly as possible in your career? Or, are you holding back your truth. I talk to incredibly ambitious Moms all day long, and I’ve noticed a theme. Not with everyone, but a good portion of us. I want you to be honest with yourself right now. If you can’t be honest, there’s no point. Right? So, be honest:
Have you ever avoided asking for a promotion because you think it would mean more work, which, in turn, would mean less time with your children?
Have you ever stayed in a steady, solid salary job because you think if you go somewhere else, you’d have to start over, jeopardizing your role as a Mom?
Have you ever put on hold having another baby because you think your boss won’t take you seriously if you add to your brood?
Have you ever been afraid to ask for flexible hours because you might hear the word NO?!
Have you been dreaming about starting your own business, but you can’t possibly figure out how you would get it all done and be a Mom?
If I’m really honest with myself, there was a time I when I answered YES to most of these questions. As a result, I would end up self-sabotaging myself. I would play small. Can you relate? Sigh. From one ambitious working Mother to another, I said goodbye to this way of living quite some time ago and it was one of the best decisions I made. If this resonates with you, I invite you to do the same.
Can you give yourself permission to listen to the quiet voice inside of you (intuition), begging to be liberated and let it speak it’s truth? Start by writing down the first thing you hear. Don’t judge it. Don’t ignore it. Imagine yourself activating whatever it is that came forward.
Answer this question.
How would you experience life more truthfully?
I coach working women all day around this very topic, so please know if you feel stuck. I’m here for you and would love to support you in taking the plunge, however that may look for you. We have a responsibility to share our best versions with the world and, most importantly, with ourselves.
Hi Working Moms,
I wanna know what’s a typical day like for you and how do you experience joy and success amongst the demands of motherhood and your career? When do your start, and when does it end? Regardless of whether you run your own business, go into a corporate office, or have flex hours, there’s often a feeling of wanting to accomplish as much as possible in order to feel successful, which we expect to produce happiness.
Most working Moms are very busy getting as much done as they possibly can during their awake state.
Here’s a typical day of one of my dear, working Mom friends.
4:45 – 6am: get up and work for an hour
6 – 7am: hit the early morning workout class
7 – 7:30: get kids started (dressed, breakfast etc.) before nanny arrives at 7:30
7:30 – 8:30: shower and get out the door
8:30 -9:30: sit in traffic
9:30 – 6pm: work
6 – 7pm: Networking related work event 2x a week or meeting for volunteer organization 1x a week
7:30 – 8:30: get home, check homework, make dinner, make lunches for next day, figure out children’s needs for following day, and add to the never-ending to-do list for the weekend
8:30 – 9: get kids down for the night (teeth, stories etc.)
9 – 10:30: work/ read
10:30 – 11pm: talk to my husband and go to bed!
My hunch is that you have your own variation of this schedule; every minute feels accounted for. Do you find that you consistently try to cram one more thing in pursuit of what feels like success to you? Or happiness? Note, what works for one of you, could absolutely not work for other other.
We all can agree that there’s a general pressure for all of us to do more in order to be successful and feel happy. For Working Moms, it’s not about doing more, it’s about being more. This is a huge paradigm shift compared to the way the corporate world has traditionally encouraged us to operate: work first, be second. Meaning, if you succeed in work, you will then be happy and traditionally speaking, society focuses on what you should accomplish, instead of who you are as a person.
In a nutshell, I’ve discovered if I really want to feel like a success and experience loads of happiness and fulfillment, I have to let my ‘being’ inform my ‘doing,’ not the other way around (cramming one more thing into my schedule or multi-tasking, resulting in exhaustion and resentment).
Here are 4 simple tips to help you experience success and joy through letting your Being influence you Doing:
Check-in with yourself. Are you experiencing exactly how you want to feel each day? Fulfillment? Inspiration? If not, follow steps #2 – #4
Give yourself permission to live in the flow and flexibility of life, instead of controlling every minute of your day. By embracing flexibility, you will strengthen your ability to reside in your being vs. doing.
Ask yourself each morning morning, what is the one thing you can do each day to support the way you want to feel (answer to #1). Make that your main priority for the day.
Practicing self-compassion when you veer from your schedule. The goal is to enjoy life and “be” in it vs. watching from the sidelines while you try and “do” more.
Being a working Mom can feel grueling. It can also feel incredibly rewarding and inspiring as we model who we are and exhibit our gifts for our children.
If you can relate to the working Mom who’s still trying to do just one more thing each day, so that she can feel like a success, then I’d love to talk with you. I’ve been there and I’ve also burned out from it. I’ve helped women replace the pattern of doing more with strengthening their being, so that they can experience success defined by a living a full life with grace, joy and with plenty of abundance.
Let your being inform your doing. It’s through this lens that you will experience a lot more joy and the kind of success I think we all want. Not to mention new opportunities will come to you because of your new ability to not only see and receive them. This can come in the form of a promotion, a child, or finding your soulmate. Try these tips and let me know how you define success in my comments section. I’d love to hear from you! Remember, there’s no ‘set schedule,’ to define success, it’s really does come down to what feels right for you, so listen to your intuition and course correct if need be.
Summer is one quarter away and are you starting to get hit with questions like, “What are your summer plans?”, “Which summer camps are you signing up for?”, “Have you figured out which days you’re going to take off for the summer?”
Have you started to receive emails about camp deals and heard chatter from other parents as they frantically start to sort out their summer plans?
In my world, I can say yes to all of the above! I also have a small confession: Until recently, I use to dread summer holidays. Here’s why: Summer would arrive, school was out, and I couldn’t be home with my children! The initial thought went against all of my visions of being a Mom and experiencing summer’s with my children. Interestingly, when I got really honest with myself, I wasn’t sure if I could handle being home all day with my highly energetic crew and the exceptional amount of patience that it requires. However, I also was operating under the misbelief, that if I wasn’t home with my children during the summer, that none of us would experience an idyllic holiday. I have vivid memories of long summer days at home with my school teacher Mom, playdates with friends, berry picking, riding bikes, week long holidays at my grandparents, long car trips to visit my cousins, and many days where I had enough time to get bored and lounge around in the hot sun. I did attend the most wonderful summer camp, but it was over a condensed amount of time, so I was at home with my family the majority of the break. Oh, the memories. Fast forward to the life of a working Mom, and I simply couldn’t imagine creating the type of summer experiences for myself or for my children because of my full-time work schedule. I also fell into the comparison trap, believing that stay at home Moms were having a lot more fun come summer time and that their kids were too because their Moms were at home.
Can you relate to any of this? I have to tell you, three boys later, I have done a 180 turn, and it feels incredibly liberating and refreshing. I’ve grown to love summers and, instead of feeling stressed, anxious, and anticipating disappointment, I feel excited about the upcoming season and all the new experiences in store for both my kids and me. Here are my 5 tips from moving from summer blues to summer bliss:
1. Update any misbeliefs around being a working Mom – assure yourself that you and your children can experience your summers just as you imagine!
2. Allow yourself to imagine your IDEAL summer experiences – set aside 30 minutes and write down all the difference experiences you’d like to have during the summer for both you and your children. Think about your senses. How do you want to feel, what do you want to see, taste, and touch? Get a big piece of paper and write out those experiences. Remember, experiences don’t have to require money. It can be spending an evening with your family taking a walk once a week.
3. Gather all your facts – if children are old enough to have opinions – ask them what they’re most looking forward to experiencing this upcoming summer. Ask your partner. Gather info on trips you want to take and summer camps you want your children to experience. Any and all information around experiences you desire.
4. Get tactical – Do you have a budget for your summer holiday. If so, review it.
5. Make decisions & move on – As you start to make decisions, cross reference each opportunity (experience) with your ideal scene of how you want to the experience summer. If an experience feels like a fit, then go for it. If you feel resistance, set it aside. Don’t fight it.
6. Engage a village – as a working Mom, take pride in setting up a village that can support you in making your life easier during the summer – carpools, play dates, etc.
There you have six, important tips to help you ease into the summer season with grace, ease, and organization, so you can experience just the way you want it. This exercise wholeheartedly supports you in in making self-honoring choices and leveraging a village, two very important themes that make up the Conscious Working Mama Wheel.
Don’t forget to revisit your self assessment, so you can check in with yourself around your own level of consciousness and look for areas of opportunity.
I recently sat down for lunch with one of my dear working Mom friends who I very much admire. We were talking about parenting our boys. She said to me, “I haven’t used my screaming mimi voice in 30 days.” I had never heard that phrase, but knew exactly what she was talking about. The moment she said that, I consciously thought, “That’s impressive; I used my mimi voice just 3 hours ago.”
Do you know the voice I’m talking about? It’s the one that comes out when you feel like your kids aren’t listening to you. Or, when you’re in a rush, exhausted, or stressed. As a working Mom, there are a thousand scenarios that can push our buttons to trigger us to become screaming mimi’s. The experience I have after I’m screaming mimi, generally, consists of guilt and shame. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it happens. Can you relate? It takes work to not be a screaming, mimi regardless of how much we love our children.
I’ve been aware of my screaming, mimi voice for a while and have learned what triggers it. It’s not a behavior I want to pass down to my children. I’ve also learned that it has very little to do with my boys. Of course, it would be wonderful if my house of 3 boys would listen more or do what they’re asked, but ultimately the boys behavior is just a symptom of the real issue. The root cause is my lack of self care. As a working Mom, I’ve under-estimated the importance of taking care of my well being – not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Not to mention fun. Am I making time for me to experience any ‘fun?’
We all know self care is important, but be honest, are you making time for it? Are you making it easy for you to incorporate it into your daily routine. Think about it this way: what’s one thing you could do across each of the below categories to support you in taking care of yourself first, so you can feel rested, rejuvenated, inspired, patient, and available to show up as your best self in your career and in motherhood?
Physically – Eg: , is there a class you’re dying to take? Mentally – Eg: Read an inspirational quote each day on Pinterest. Spiritually – Eg: Pay it forward. One random act of kindness will open up your heart. Emotionally – Eg: Write one thing that you’re thankful for each day in journal. For Joy – What’s the one thing you’ve been dying to do that will bring you joy?
I promise you by increasing your self care, you will decrease your screaming, mimi voice and, not only will your children thank you, but you will feel a greater sense of love and appreciation towards yourself.